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    • #115404
      gettingtired
      Participant

      How did anyone go about putting themselves first instead of always worrying about him? This is my problem. I’m always worrying more about how he will cope, what he will do, how he will survive with his incredibly manipulative Mother etc.

      He often tells me I’m selfish, only care about myself and don’t offer him any support with his Mother who is usually always unwell in one way or another or any other problems he encounters. Then I ask well what do you want me to do?! He says I shouldn’t be asking him how I can help and this just shows how unsupportive I am.

      How do you start to put yourself first? I know I’m not perfect but I’m always worrying about others more than myself.

    • #115406
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi there. I started by understanding that nothing I do will ever stop the abuse. I could have been the most perfect wife and he would have simply changed the goal posts. His aim is to destroy you so the choice is him or you. You have Real genuine people who Love and care about you and you cannot reciprocate when you’re being abused and held back so those people suffer too.
      It’s not putting yourself first, it’s saving yourself from abuse x

    • #115415
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Go about it practically.
      Read about the Maslow’s pyramid of needs.
      Check one by one that you meet your own needs every single day.
      This will keep you so very busy, believe me, it takes such perseverance, it will break that strong trauma bond to him automatically.
      Your attention will be focused on yourself for once so he won’t like it. You have to keep yourself safe too. Work on an exit plan.
      Stay strong okay, you’ve got this 💪💕
      Keep posting

      • #115515
        gettingtired
        Participant

        Thank you so much HopeLifeJoy. I will definitely check that out. Not feeling very strong at all but hopefully I will get there xx

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