How i can start to build "a life"

[citrine]

I moved to my current area to be with my ex and therefore have very few friends.

I have 2 children. But how can I start to make new friends. People say go out and meet people but how? When you have 2 children that are at age that don’t really want to go out “meeting people”

My family are not supportive either they do not particularly want to spend time with their grandchildren whilst I go off in search of this elusive “life”.

I just want to be normal do normal things. I’m tired of being a lone.

I’m feeling a different kind of trapped to trapped I felt with with my ex.

Citrine x*x

[Janedoeissad]

Are the children of an age where they are in school or nursery? If so, one thing you could do is start talking to the other Mums? Then you could start going out with them whilst the kids are in school/nursery.

If they aren’t in school and are still at home. Is there a kids club you could take them to during the day where the parents stay too? So again you could meet people who also have kids and therefore understand you might not always be free.

Even taking them to the park means you will bump into people to chat too. I know it sounds unlikely but if you take the kids to the same places regularly, you’ll probably bump into the same people and make friends that way.

Use the kids as a way to help you, not hinder you.

[citrine]

My children are early secondary age and late primary school age. So not at an age where I will go out and meet mum’s and not at an age where I can leave them for hours on end.

They also not keen on babysitters, although I have used one, plus baby sitters are costly.

I guess I feel I found my freedom but just not quite got it yet.

[Janedoeissad]

Are you working? If you are not then you could sign up to a course at your local college. Some courses are free and it will mean you’d be out whilst the kids are at school.

You could also see what’s on at your local leisure centre. Pilates is low impact and normally full of women during the day. So you could meet people that way?

I live in a little village but there are still little community groups which I can take part in. A lot of these are in the day time. Also a great way to meet people.

Finally volunteering can help you meet people and you can usually pick and choose when you do it. So it’s very flexible.

[Tiffany]

Are there any hobbies that your children and you could do either together or simultaneously? I used to go to a sports club with my sister and my dad once a week. They ran the activities for adults and children at the same time. If you live in a city you might even be able to take your kids to a club at a leisure centre and go to a completely different class yourself at the same time.

[Serenity]

Hi Citrine,

I totally get where you are coming from.

My kids probably have the same age gap as yours, and whilst mine may have been slightly older than yours when the split happened, the difficulties were the same.

Though we love our kids beyond anything, we need space to be ourselves. In fact, it’s essential that our kids see us as separate individuals. Then, we allow them to become self-suffucient individuals too ( and not energy vampires, like our abuser).

My life has been changed loads by joining a local branch of a national community initiative.

I can’t give the name here, as Lisa has previously said we can’t name it, so I will PM you.

This initiative has groups of all kinds, all sizes, catering for all interests.

Right now, I am a member of an arts group which was advertised by this organisation. It’s not overwhelming. Sometimes, there are just two other people there, other times more. It’s either run at a community hall, or at the tutor’s own kitchen table!

I hope that you can find a local branch of it. As it offers things daytime and evening, hopefully you will find something that suits.

Hugs x

[Pearlescent]

Hi Citrine,

As daunting as it was I started volunteering at my child’s school whilst I was living at a refuge. It was just reading with the children but it eventually lead to a teaching assistant job there. It really helped me get involved in the local community and get to know local people.
It is really hard putting yourself out there but by pushing yourself to try new things (exercise classes etc) you will meet new people and your self confidence will also increase. It does take time but every step gets easier.

Pearlescent.

[Author]

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