How it feels

[Clare]

I have tried a few times to get my abuser out as he has been staying with me at my parents house. I have managed to get him to rent his own place but he still comes round and leaves most of his stuff here. Every time I try to talk about it he says hes depressed. How do I put my foot down? He is being extra nice because a lot of his tactics don’t work anymore so it feels as though he is trying a different angle maybe!?

[Lisa]

Hi Clare,

It sounds like you have been very reasonable up until now so maybe it’s time to be a bit stricter. If you don’t want your ex partner there then you can enforce it by contacting the pólice, it may seem harsh but sometimes it’s the only way. Your partner no longer lives with you so he has no right to be at your house. I know it might be a difficult thing to do especially if he is currently trying to manipulate you by being ‘nice’ but try and focus on the things that he has done before, that is the real him. This is just an act to try and get you to weaken. You know the truth and perhaps it’s time to be harder and push back. Not always easy, but definitely worth it.

Best wishes

Lisa

Forum Moderator

[Inneedofsomepeace]

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Clare

I hope you are doing ok? and that you find its ok to put these boundaries in place for yourself now that you’ve made that amazing effort to be free of him. Its not easy to do what you have already done and i so wish that I had been given the same advice that Lisa just gave to you when i was in your situation and to have had that supported by the police.

I think its a lot more straightforward at the point you are at now to tell the police that you have told him not to come round and that you want it to stop, its very straightforward for them to do this to, rather than there be a ‘he said/she said’ situation after its happened and you get caught in the middle of it.

Good luck you have done amazing to come this far!

[Moon]

Hi
I’m really struggling at the mo, am trying so hard to find the strength to leave but something is holding me back. It’s scary to live in my home but even scarier to leave.
I’m trying to justify and say everything is better but in reality everything is still happening but he is so super calm and not exploding and losing it, just speaking so calm and every time he hurts me both inside and out its so much slower.
I need to find the strength to leave as it is now affecting my (age removed by moderator) year old and I’ve only just had that realisation and feel like the worst mum in the world. I thought I was protecting her and trying so hard to give her a family life but I have failed. If I don’t make this decision soon it will be made for me.
Just can’t see a way out 😢😢😢😢
Well I can but most prob not the right way x

[Clare]

Hi Moon
Sorry I didnt see your post sooner, I have not been on here over Christmas. Maybe hiding from reality a little. I really hope you do find the strength to leave. Even though I have not found the strength to fully leave yet, I have found a couple friends to help me and support me with leaving. They are encouraging me and offering any support they can and it really helps atm. I know this is something I have to do for myself, they cannot do it for me. Its one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. You will see a way out, be careful but get out. Thoughts are with you and everyone else here. x

[Author]

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