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    • #171778
      Newstart24x
      Participant

      Hi,

      I’m new here, I joined a few weeks ago but haven’t had the courage to post. I keep telling myself it’ll stop bothering me but once again I’m lay awake getting more annoyed and upset over my ex.

       

      i left my ex (detail removed by moderator) ago, he was physically and emotionally abusive and extremely controlling. I feel so free since I have left and I would not want to go back to him regardless of how much he has tried to promise he would change prior to me cutting contact and blocking him off everything.

       

      since leaving I have told a few family members and friends about what he put me through and obviously they are all extremely mad and upset with what I had to go through. Towards the end of the relationship I started documenting bruises etc and have kept all of his messages that he would send me which shows how he would treat me. I feel as though I’ve kept these incase I ever need to defend myself against him as like a typical n**********c he plays the victim.

      My family have asked if I wanted to take it to the police but I don’t want too, I’m happy to heal without getting anyone involved as long as I’m left in peace. My family and friends are trying to convince me that everyone should know what he’s truly like as everyone around him thinks he is Mr nice guy which couldn’t be further from the truth. Don’t get me wrong he was nice at times but that was short lived as his abuse followed soon after.

      basically those that I have told about the abuse have said if I don’t want to get the police involved then I should at least message his family and friends and send them The images and screen shots I have from him being abusive. They are saying this because he’s going around telling people I’m just crazy and he left me and basically making me out to be the bad one. But because I was in constant fight or flight mode during the relationship I haven’t got any energy left to put into the situation with regards to having to defend my name or having to get back into arguments with people about what he did and didn’t do.

      i guess im just wanting advice on how to let it go what your ex is telling people? Its keeping me awake at night knowing everyone thinks hes so lovely yet im left with constant flash backs and anxiety because of him. I’m not one to post my life on social media for the world to see although people are telling me to just post everything I have and show the world what he is but I’m just not like that. Prior to blocking his (detail removed by moderator) ago he emailed me and told me people are messaging him telling him that I’m so embarrassing because I’ve been going out and they’ve seen me around male company. ( which is true however they’re my friends) not that I feel I need to explain that to him. I’m just hurting that people are talking about me with him and I haven’t done that about him to anyone other than my close friends. Nor have I hurt him emotionally or physically in the way that he has hurt me. Don’t really know what else to say or what kind of advice I’m looking for I just feel like it’s never ending 🙁

      Sorry for the long post and thank you so much if you took the time to read.

      Sending love x*x

       

    • #171784
      Yesican
      Participant

      Well Done Newstart24x on leaving him and blocking him. And how fantastic that you feel free and that you’re not going back.

      Personally, I wouldn’t bother trying to expose him. Others might disagree. I think you’d be putting more energy into the relationship and it could draw you into a round of accusations and counter accusations.

      My ex was seeing a psychologist and he was telling such stories about me (to the psych and his GP)  that he began diagnosing me as being bi-polar and lots else no doubt. I did want to defend myself at the time but it really doesn’t matter.  The abusers are master manipulators and will always bend and distort the truth. Even if you did expose him, he wouldn’t change I’m sure and perhaps some people would still support him. That might be hurtful for you.

      So I’d suggest that you keep on putting distance between you and him and take care of yourself. Good luck

    • #171785
      Hawthorn
      Participant

      Hi there,

      I agree with Yesican. Save your precious energy for yourself. No one who knows and love you will believe his smear campaign, and most people are primarily and rightly focused on themselves and their own lives- they are not as interested in us or talking about us as our anxiety tries to tell us.

      As regards exposing him and his behaviour I would just say that’s not your responsibility. He is not your responsibility. His abusive behaviour was never your fault and it is not your responsibility to police him or his actions.

      Your only responsibility is to yourself. Take all the time you need to process and repair. Have you done the freedom programme or engaged with local DV services? The support from other women who have walked the same path is so helpful.

      And a life well lived is the best revenge x

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