How to fight for my children without hurting them more

[EarthMama3]

I could really use some advice.

My eldest daughter has confided in me that she has an escape plan to get herself and her siblings out of their fathers house in case he “snaps” or “gets physical”. She says she wants be there with them to protect them but otherwise struggles with her relationship to her father. He is very critical of her, very negative about her physically and emotionally, gaslighting her and making her feel unsure of her personal security. She talks about worrying he will break down doors as he has threatened this, yelling that doors are not to be locked in his house. This is similar to when I was with him where he would chase me around the house, banging open doors and screaming that I shouldn’t be afraid of him because he never actually hit me. Now my daughter is living with the same burden.

How do I protect my children without potentially harming them by dragging them further into the middle what has become an ugly battle?? Like literally, what do I do next in this situation? I could tell me solicitor but I think she would say its essentially hearsay and my daughter isn’t ready to speak directly someone. Should I talk to SS and if so, what should I say??

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Earthmama3

I would be encouraging my daughter to call support services for help herself, this way she will get direct support, and you also can’t be implicated or risk not being believed. She needs to tell someone urgently. There’s childline, and police, and social services, amongst others.

She could speak to her doctor.

She needs to tell someone professional who’s got the authority to act to safeguard her, even a teacher at school, and to encourage her siblings to do the same.

I am so sorry that you are all suffering this way, and you all need help urgently to make it stop. Can they just not go to him? or maybe too scared to say no? If so, warn the police and ask for protection for when they refuse to go.

Keep posting and working this through to find a way.

warmest wishes ts

[KIP.]

Contact your local women’s aid for support.

[KIP.]

You are not hurting your children. Keep a detailed journal of his behaviour. Build a case for him not to have contact.

[Lisa]

Hi EarthMama3,

I can see you have already received some useful responses on what you can do in this situation.
If your daughter is not ready to speak to someone, as mentioned before, do speak yourself to your local Women’s Aid , who will go over all options and be pro-active in helping as well. They will understand the complexity of the situation and your many concerns. Perhaps you can explain to your daughter if she is an adult in her own right, that speaking to her local domestic abuse service can be a good step forward in having a service involved that is only there to listen and support her. They work separately to Social Services and will do all they can to support her and her siblings. They are a confidential service and will always make sure she is in agreement to what happens moving forward. Their safety will be top priority.
I hope your daughter is able to get the help she needs.

Lisa

[EarthMama3]

Thank you, all helpful and we will take steps forward as able. Thank you for the quick responses and support, it is so good not to feel so alone!

[StrongLife]

Call a support service and legal service to see what they can so – they are free where I am.

[Author]

Posts