How to move forward?

[Freeatlast2020]

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I will try to.keep it as brief as poss.
I was in a relationship with my ex for (detail removed by Moderator) years. He was wonderful when I met him, kind loving thoughtful etc.
I knew he had a previous history with DV but I genuinely believed he was the victim. So I always supported him emotionally to deal with that.
Everything was great until I got pregnant with his child and he started to change. He would snap so easily, shout in my face, throw things. Even ince baby was here he refused to help take care of child, saying he couldnt bond due to trauma in his passed, so I didnt push it. But it got to the point he was screaming in my face while I was holding the baby and throwing things at me and baby. He would also kick off with my other children and they weren’t even allowed to laugh at home anymore.
He began to rape me after my child was born, I’d often wake up to him doing it.
I’m finding so hard to process everything that has happened to me and the kids.
He also had all financial control.
I have made a police report, he was questioned and denied everything but it’s (detail removed by Moderator).
He lives in the same town with his new family, and I struggle to leave the house for fear of bumping into him. I do have an injunction in place place. It’s only been (detail removed by Moderator) months since we left but I’m mentally and emotionally drained.
What steps can I take to move forward, I already regularly talk to my idva and isva. Thanks

[KIP.]

Hi there, have you thought about counselling? That can help with developing coping mechanisms to make things like leaving the house easier. What you’re feeling is normal. Try to leave the house every day even if it’s five steps one day, ten steps the next day. I had a rape alarm too. I also had a worry monster. A wee soft toy to rub to ease my anxiety. Any smells that make you feel good. Lavender on a fabric handKy. My rapist moved a couple of miles from where I live and kept coming to my street so I know the fear this triggers. I was also raped in the marriage. All this is a lot to take in, to process and two months is no time at all. It’s great you have support in place but take time for yourself. Write down three positive things every day. Make sure you eat and drink and take time out for yourself. You need to be strong to look after the kids but you don’t have to do it alone. Yoga a mindfulness. A favourite feel good movie. Surround yourself with pillows and hug them. If you can stand music then a positive playlist. If you can read then The Body Keeps The Score is a good book. Just take things an hour at a time. Baby steps and don’t take on any extra stress in your life. Learn to say no x

[Freeatlast2020]

Thanks so much for your reply and your kind words. Sorry it’s taken so long to reply.
I have left the house a few times, but unfortunately bumped into ex. He didnt confront me but still the fear and anxiety was there. I havent left since. Lockdown suits me well although I fear it will only make things worse for getting out.

I’m trying to stay more positive, I’ve had a referral for counselling but nothing heRd back yet.

[Author]

Posts