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    • #131298
      Freedom @
      Participant

      Have been in the process of separating for quite a while. Still living under the same roof while trying to sort the house issue out. Basically trying to pay him off but with house prices increasing its kind of harder plus ailing parents health not helping. Basically ex has a new girlfriend i was never expecting him to stay single for long but i feel he could have waited till he moved out. It just feels so f**ked up. I want to be able to buy him out and move on so bad.
      I hate my children and i having to live a lie

    • #131304
      KIP.
      Participant

      I would feel hurt and that’s the reason he’s doing this and you can bet he’s going to want you to know all the details. It’s not right or appropriate and you could use this to ask again if he will move out. He won’t because he wants to be there to watch the pain. Don’t give him the satisfaction. Mine did the same. It’s called triangulation but it only confirms you’re doing the right thing by getting out of this relationship. Living with an abuser while separated is dangerous. Have you looked at an occupation order to have him removed?

    • #131311
      Freedom @
      Participant

      @kip he hasn’t done “anything” to warrent and occupation order. His work is emotional and in recent times behaving. Very frustrating but i can’t get him out as he co owns with me and paid majority of mortgage. Makes me question if i blew it all out of proportion but i don’t think i did.

    • #131313
      KIP.
      Participant

      Have you spoken to a solicitor? Most offer free initial advice. Once you’ve had legal advice you might find you’re in a stronger position when everything is taken into consideration. I believe house prices are inflated at the moment and financially maybe not the time to buy him out. If you have the kids with you he may have to allow you to stay there until the kids are older. Get some legal advice from three solicitors if you can get it for free.

    • #131314
      Freedom @
      Participant

      No i havnt spoken to a solicitor, very hard to do when still living with him. Trying to do it amicably but feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Nothing is in writing, trying to keep the peace while hoping i don’t get screwed. Says a lot when im living with the father of my children who has a new girlfriend who goes (detail removed by moderator) and then comes back here. So wrong but what can i do. If i had a new partner I’d be shamed.

    • #131315
      KIP.
      Participant

      You’re thinking he has the same moral compass as you. He doesn’t and he will give you nothing unless he is made to and nothing will be amicable. You cannot keep the peace with an abuser. Try to arrange a telephone call with a solicitor and contact your local women’s aid. Abusers are liars and manipulators. Why would he go anywhere when he has you and kids at home and is free to date and enjoy life outside? You can bet he’s hiding any money he can and is well aware of how a divorce would affect him. If he thought he’d come out on top you’d be divorced by now but it sounds like you may be in a much better position financially than you think.

    • #131316
      KIP.
      Participant

      My ex did the same. Had a woman and made sure I knew about it. I was supposed to go running back to him and stop the divorce but it made me go straight to a solicitor. Very nasty twisted men. Don’t make the mistake of thinking he will ever be reasonable. My ex was emptying the joint account behind my back. Cancelling direct debits and trying to ensure I was financially dependent.

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