Husband not making sense

[maddog]

In not very long, my husband will be my ex-husband. Hooray!! Yesterday we had a stupid argument and I told him he couldn’t see what nobody else could see. He stormed out and I was terrified, so I dialled 101.

By the time the police arrived my husband had come home and gone to his room. I asked the officer if I could speak to him in his car as I felt safer there. Then another police car arrived. They all stormed into the house and told me I couldn’t stay and where were my emergency friends.

I have spoken to the police many times about my husband’s behaviour, and have asked them not to talk to him as I fear what he would plot next. This is the first time they have met him.

I came home this morning as there are people working on the house. My STBX husband stormed out again in a whirl of hatred and vitriol saying he would speak to the police if they phoned.

I have no idea what will happen next, but it’s quite frightening.

[Lisa]

Hi maddog,

It sounds like a very frightening situation for you as you don’t know what will happen next. Its good that the police were involved. Even if he speaks to them, they are aware of the ongoing situation and that you are scared.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes,

Lisa

[maddog]

Thank you Lisa.

The house is going on the market soon and I have some fantastic professionals to help make it look as though it’s a house to live in instead of just dumping stuff in. They have clocked that my husband has not co-operated at all, and that it’s just me doing everything.

It was alarming being stormed by the police. First one car, then another, then police officers all over the house.

At the moment, my husband is wearing his Mr I’m So Good mask. I think his solicitor has had a word with him. I have no idea what the police are planning. I made a statement in a different county about a different thing, and had to keep saying, I don’t remember, because I didn’t want to confuse the current situation with that one which was something else. I don’t have my phone any more because the police wanted it.

[KIP.]

Please buy a cheap phone for your own safety. You should never be without a fully charged mobile on your person. I recorded an assault on mine. His behaviour is going to get worse as he loses control and he realises you’re serious and he cannot change your mind. It sounds like the police are really concerned for your welfare. We minimise the danger we are in. I still expect your husband not to agree to sell. Even if you find a buyer. I don’t think he is going anywhere.

[maddog]

I’ve got a burner phone. The police know that I have it. I have recorded stuff on my normal one, but not to do with this particular investigation. My new phone is one from hell. Cheap as chips and texting is 1990s style.

[KIP.]

If the police are keeping your phone for evidence you could ask them to download the recordings and give you back your phone. Or save the recording to the SIM card perhaps and return your phone.

[maddog]

That’s good advice, KIP. They took it to see if there’s anything useful regarding the historic rape. I understood that they were going to download all of it so I can get it back soon. Because it’s a separate case to my current situation, I don’t expect them to look at anything else. I need a great big hand hold to go to my storage container and have a rummage. I really don’t want to go. I have a habit of hoarding, especially diaries and work books. I have been thinking I ought to have a bonfire. Maybe I have put all this stuff in the recycling.

[KIP.]

I kept letters from decades ago which the police took and read. I was too traumatised to go through them. I’ve read a couple since then and it’s very triggering. If you think there’s anything then give them to the police to read. My ex is a very sick man and some of the letters are unbelievable but he doesn’t implicate himself. Just full of pathological lies. I can’t believe I was so gullible.

[maddog]

I know I have thrown stuff out. A friend told me it read like a failed suicide attempt. That was a very long time ago! I doubt I have anything useful about the current situation. For such a long time I thought I was safe with my husband apart from the terrible sex and the horrible rows. I really didn’t clock it when he told me that he had the right to defend himself against (perceived) slights, or when he was endlessly paffing me off as though I were an irritating fly, or his right to complain about me.

I know he has done horrible things to me sexually. It has always been his ‘normal’ or as he put it, his way of showing affection. When someone’s ‘normal’ is to treat a woman as a sex toy or worse, I feel that I was partly responsible for accepting him. We did have terrible rows about it and there have been times when I’ve thought it’s so odd and more like rape. Round and round in circles. Because it was not the same as the rape I have reported, I didn’t think my husband would do that to me. I am in a furious muddle.

[Author]

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