Husband not seeing children

[itwillbeokay]

My husband has not seen our children or made contact in the way I suggested in weeks and weeks since I said his behaviour had given me cause for concern and he needed to contact a solicitor to arrange safe regular visits with both children. I blocked his number straight after so he may well have sent hundreds of texts that I simply haven’t received but I’ve heard nothing. I struggle to understand this and wonder if I should do more to facilitate the relationship between them and their father. I left because I couldn’t live in that environment anymore but he is still their dad? I have contacted a local contact centre to find out more. I don’t really know what I’m meant to do though. I am eaten up by guilt every single day and worry about his wellbeing although I push it away. It’s draining though. But I am so busy with work and the children that it is quite possible to do this. But he’s always on my mind, in my mind, in my thoughts, constantly.

x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi itwillbeokay, my OH chose not to see his children from 1st marriage as it was to be done under supervision. He chose to cut his nose off instead.😞 you say you blocked his number straight away, i take it you chose to do contact through emails or some other means. If he desperately wants to see his children he’d move heaven and earth to do so. This may be him wallowing in self pity mode. Try not to worry too much about him. He’s still getting into your head by doing this. Has your solicitor been contacted by his, if not, leave it. The balls in his court. The only people being hurt by him not seeing them is your children unfortunately but that is his decision and his alone.
I think you’re struggling with him not seeing them, as men are wired differently to women regarding child rearing and how they love their kids, whereas we’d be distraught not seeing them. (I know not all men are like that but abusive men are.)
As to his wellbeing, hes an adult and perfectly capable of taking care of himself. How he chooses to do that is his responsibility. He lost how much you care for him when he chose to disrespect you and abuse you. 😏
I hope you get peace of mind soon. This ‘fog’ is awful to go through .
IWMB 💕💕

[itwillbeokay]

Thank you so much. It is isn’t it. Gut wrenching. My stomach is constantly in knots. Yes apologies, that wasn’t clear. The text reply to him wanting to see his children was you need to contact me by email about the children (after months of sporadic sometimes concerning abusive threatening sometimes normal and reasonable messages but seemingly more volatile and unpredictable) and arrange safe contact but I hope we can move forward more positively in the future but this should mean you get to see them both regularly. Nothing. Well no email. Possibly hundreds of texts. I saw a solicitor once in the early days but don’t really have one as such. Would now be a good time to instate one do you think? X*x

[Anonymous]

Hi itwillbeokay

Id leave it up to him to write to you through a solicitor. If you arrange it all yourselves when he eventually gets in touch there will be nothing in place. That’s when the inconsistencies start ie not showing up. Being late etc you can get a minite of agreement set up with the solicitor. Its middle of the road approach. You agree the terms and sign it. Some have warnings attachments stating what you wish to not happen. If he dosent stick to it then its court and it won’t look good if he cancels more over bad for the kids. As far a the contact centre i paid a fee the place came up quickly it was a god send. You could maybe sit down to see what you think is safe contact. Or agree to indirect first then maybe an afternoon. I would hold off for now let him make the first step. It also gives you and the kids time to heal get stronger xx

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