6th July 2019 at 10:38 am #82507CityMumParticipant
This forum has been so helpful to me in the past and I have another question. I am divorcing my abusive husband and we are selling our house. He did not offer to vacate the house for me and my daughter so we are staying with family.
A third party has contacted him asking him to vacate the house for a few hours on a specific day so I can begin packing up my items (not joint items which we will negotiate for via solicitors) so I can do this with some family members in peace. He has refused to let me do this without him present as he doesn’t want me to remove joint items, apparently he is uncomfortable with this.
He has also installed a CCTV camera and so he knows when I have previously let myself into the house and collected clothes etc. He says that this is for his security as he now lives alone. We are both on the deeds to the house and I have been paying half the mortgage throughout the separation.
I am adamant that I cannot be in the house to pack when he is there, even if friends and family are with me. I know that in the distant future and for my daughter we will need to be amicable but right now it is too soon. I cannot do it. Is he within his right to refuse to leave for a short period of time to let me access the house? He says that he is not comfortable not being there when items are removed. It is also probably valid for me to raise that roughly 80% of the furniture, items, appliances etc were purchased by me or using my money.
I will raise it with my solicitor on Monday but any advice is SO SO SO welcome!
6th July 2019 at 12:31 pm #82518
Why do you have to be there? Can you give a list to your family/friends and get them to collect on your behalf? He can be there and watch them collect your belongings. He’s less likely to be obstructive if you’re not there. Get them to also take photos of furniture/white goods etc that are left behind.
6th July 2019 at 12:32 pm #82519
You could also consider getting him to approve the list in advance so he doesn’t play games on the day.
6th July 2019 at 12:33 pm #82520
Not you personally, keep the contact via this third party.
7th July 2019 at 10:54 am #82628scaredycatParticipant
What an upsetting situation.
my experience of something similar might suggest a further problem. I had basically run away with just one bag and needed to go to the house to pick up some documents, basic kitchen things and clothes etc. I went with 3 male friends for support.
Despite this he managed to totally freak me out, by following me round the house, standing really close and watching me. My brian completely froze, I couldn’t even read the list I had brought and I ended coming out with a very strange collection of things, and missing some really obvious items. So that is another reason really to let someone else do this for you if possible. They won’t be triggered by him so can focus on getting what you need. I hope you get your own things back and a settlement soon.
12th August 2019 at 4:31 pm #85554CityMumParticipant
Hello everyone, I’m going to revive this post as I am still having problems. I am still trying to claw back as many of my things as possible and get as much stuff out of the house for my daughter. I am paying half the mortgage on the house but no bills.
I feel that I am emotionally able to go to the house as long as I have friends and/or family with me and load up a few cars. My husband has been stating that he has to be present and I need to give him 24 hours notice. This is of course a catch 22 for me; if I give him notice he then arranges to be at the house. Does anyone know the legality behind this? He has been spouting information about tenant vs landlord laws which mean that because I no longer pay council tax I technically have to give him notice to access the house. x*x
12th August 2019 at 5:19 pm #85558
If you’re paying the mortgage then you have every right to go and collect your stuff. You could even move back in if you wanted to. He cannot stop you. I would ask for a police officer to be with you and I wouldn’t tell your husband when you’re going. Don’t be bullied. If you’re still not sure ring the domestic abuse police on 101. Or Rights of Women offer free legal advice. I had to get an occupation order to prevent my husband returning to the marital home. So if there is no court order then it’s still as much your home as it is his. I would go when he’s out and take everything you need or want. (detail removed by moderator). When the lawyers start getting involved you’re supposed to agree how to split things so you can offset anything you take against something you left. Don’t be bullied. He’s being unreasonable by making you and his child sofa surf.
12th August 2019 at 9:12 pm #85567LavenderroseParticipant
Hi citymum. I myself am going through this exact situation! I am still a legal tenant of my parents property which he is still living in whilst myself and 2 children are having to live back with family. I have been told by police I can go to the property at any time and collect possessions. I choose to do this when my ex is at work but he has taken literally everything belonging to our daughter and hidden it or taken it. I’m devastated! He’s locked access to our loft too which I believe legally he cannot do.
All I can say is get what you can when you can otherwise you may never see it again. These men are ruthless! X
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