I also survived…

[Whatislove]

Hi everyone.

I’m not sure if anyone will remember. A good chunk of time ago I was on here needing advice whilst I went through the myriad of emotions & difficulty trying to leave (for the (detail removed by moderator) time) during my marriage. I was then here again when he was arrested, feeling guilty, as you do.

Since then I have moved house, divorced him and he is in prison for what he did. None of it was easy going. Countless statements (detail removed by moderator). I’ve since found out he was already with his next victim whilst he was stalking me (didn’t surprise me as there was always someone on the side) & shes(detail removed by moderator). Poor girl.

But we are happy! My two children are thriving at school & at home. Ones in therapy but doing really well. I’ve changed my name, have gotten really into exercise & wear what I want, when I want. I even have male friends now!

Yes, I have to admit the future scares me. What will it be like when he’s out? Will he carry on? Will the courts grant him supervised access to the children (and then what will be the affect on them)? But for now we’re safe & making the most of this calm time.

Do I still think about the better times, and do they upset me? Well, healing hasn’t been linear. But it’s better as time goes on. Now I cannot ever imagine being a part of his life one but. Yes, it’s very sad that it became what it did. But I’ve accepted it gradually. It hurts to remember. But I’ve chosen myself & the kids this time. And I never imagined that life could be so good doing that.

Im not dating. I’ve given myself time to let it all fade. But I’m also not going to judge every man by his standards. Guard up. But mind open.

I just needed to share this. Mainly because this forum was my saving grace. Any time I questioned myself I came here to read the truth of what was happening to you all & id see my own experiences staring back at me. You’ve saved me. And my children. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Hi Whatislove,

Thank you for sharing. I’m so happy you are doing well and making the most of the calm. You are so right! Healing is not linear. I’ve been thinking about the better times, and recently remembered how much I loved him. Well, the times when I made myself believe we were a happy family. And when I remember those times I feel so guilty for trying to protect our children from him. I think he must be that man I remember and not the twisted man he is.
We are also happy without him. And life is so much easier. They create so many problems. It’s nice to have peace. As long as my mind isn’t assaulting me with guilt and good memories. And even then, most of the good memories are tainted.

[diymum@1]

If he’s doing prison time I’d say if he applies to court his chances are little to none. I’d be prepared for this tho I mean it might never happen but ask your counsellor that your child is seeing to write to the court get the GP involved. Your case would be the kids are not safe in his care – this would be detrimental for their mental health and development xx 😘 it can be done lots of proof and evidence I got contact stopped for verbal and emotional abuse so you can more than do this if need be xx we’re here to help you

[Author]

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