I AM ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anabela]

I told him yesterday that i am not moving him with him. I knew i should not do that in a closed environment, but i had to meet him as i had his keys. I tried to get him to meet in town, but he came to city late and i had to go to his house. I USED TO THINK I AM EXAGERATING. I USED TO THINK I FEAR FOR NO REASON. BECAUSE HE HAS NOT BEATEN UP ME SEVERELY BEFORE. And this time he said he will kill me. I was bitten, i was beaten, my hair pulled. i was strangled. Oh,,,, i am so thankful for my martial arts, because i knew at least what to do to escape his strangle (without that I am sure i would have just hold onto his arms, and he is stronger than me). For some reason he went out. And I ran to the neighbours. And they called the police. And he is arrested. And I made my statement.
Now, I just fear he will be freed and he will hate me even more.
I am in a big shock. I can’t believe this is really happened. It feels like a dream. Something surreal. But my whole body is aching. My head is aching. Same as my neck. And i look horrible. BUT I AM ALIVE!!!!!!!!! I feel I was born again yesterday. And I deserve to be happy. I deserve to enjoy my life. It’s not my fault his is messed up. It’s not my fault, his childhood was tough, it’s not my fault that he cant get on his feet. I cant believe I once loved him. I dont love him anymore. He is an animal.
Now I see that I should have called police earlier. When he was threatening me. When I felt scared and intimidated. When he crazy drove me to another city saying we should die. And get the policeman to come with me to give him the keys. I learnt my lesson. But I am alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I cannot ask for more at the moment.

[Falling Skys]

Hi

Your alive and wiser.

Heres to the future you deserve.

FS xx

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

So glad u got out safely

[Anabela]

I probably will be really scared to walk around the streets. But I am glad I will never have to contact him again and he is legally will not be allowed to do that.
Today I am just gonna take it easy and rest. Sleep. and recover. I am taking some time off from work I think. As I really need to get my strength and sanity back. And hopefully the pain will ease as well.
But now I can grasp the air of freedom. 🙂
I am so glad I was talking about abuse. I bet he is under impression that nobody knew what was going on. And people knew. And they can confirm how i felt before the incident. And how scared I was. To back my statement up.
If I kept it quiet, I would not have managed to get the police.

[KIP.]

Hey, well done! Remember you can print out your posts on here and private messages too for added evidence. Ask the police to keep you informed of their progress and tell them everything you can, so they can keep him away with bail conditions or a civil order if you have to. I was euphoric for the first two weeks after his arrest, then the awful PTSD hit me hard so watch out for the mental aftershock and get some good councelling. Keep posting on here for support x

[Anabela]

I phoned helpline a couple of days ago. They put me on a waiting list for support worker. I should phone them again i think, as now I guess my risk would be high. Maybe I would get that quicker…
Now it’s definitely time to register with GP. and ask for counselling…
I do suspect that after sometime evertyhing will just hit me really hard.but this time it will be definitely no contact. I wonder how that goes…….
I already start feeling greave for this relationship. Or more like how can he turn in such a monster!!!!!! How a person that I used to long for in hard moments, has become the one who wants me death and hates me with such a passion…. Once he was a happy innocent child, not very fortunate with his upbringing….. And now he turned into an animal……..

[Anabela]

SunshineRainFlower, so sorry that my situation is familiar to you… And it just proves that the gut feeling needs to be listened to.
At least it is over now……

[Nova]

Anabela..brave and free. Sending you huge hugs and so relived to hear your safe. You will need some support to help you through, but nothing will feel like the horrific experience you’ve had to endure, what you have just been through. It’s over and your looking forward to a different positive life.

More hugs 🙂

Cx

[Lisa]

Hi Anabela,

So pleased to read you are safe after an horrific experience. Well done for reporting him to the police and for contacting support. Calling again for a support worker is a good idea, as is registering with a GP and requesting counselling. As well as using the Forum, the 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline is also available on 0808 2000 247 if you want to talk things through at any time.

Take care and keep posting to us when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Anabela]

Thank you all for the support and your kind words…
Today i feel even more angry at him. Not only he physically hurt me, but left me with no money. when I came to him on that night i had both of my bank cards and £20 in my wallet. In the argument he broke my bank cards. When he went out he took the money as well. Which I guess is good as it saved my life but still.
I was so hoping that only one card was broken (and that’s a card from my country, as my mum sometimes sends me money if I ask for help, or if she wants me to treat myself). But the officer phoned to say that both of them are broken…. And i have no cash left in the room. Nor a bus pass. I feel too weak today, but tomorow i will have to pull all my strength and go to town (which is fairly far) to the bank to sort my bank card and cash some money from my account…. Thank God, I did not carry my passport in my bag as I am sure it would have been torn.
All I want now is a cup of hot chocolate…… and I dont even have milk for it!!!!!!!!

[Lightness]

Goodness me what a horrendous ordeal you have suffered on top of all his prior abuse. I am so pleased you are safe. I hope you have a lovely support network and trusting friends who will make a hot chocolate for you
Hugs
L x

[Anabela]

that’s the thing…… I don’t really have that…. 🙁
but that does not matter. when I replay the things of that night in my head, I am alive. and that’s a miracle. i keep reminding it to myself. the bank cards can be replaced……

[Ayanna]

Oh Anabela!
I just saw your post now.
I am so glad you are out!
I was so afraid that he would harm you! Thanks to the Goddess that you know martial arts!
You will definitely need counselling.

When it comes to the court trial, ensure they give him an indefinite order to stay away from you.

Did they take pictures of your injuries?
Do you have an A&E report?
If you have not been to the A&E you can still go and show them your injuries. That will help with the court proceedings and his conviction.
Fight hard to get him a hard conviction.

Also call the helpline back! You need and IDVA! He knows where you live. Your risk factor is very high and they should refer you to a MARAC! You need rehousing or security measures applied to your home.

Keep posting!

[Anabela]

Hi Ayanna,
The good thing is that he does not know where I live at the moment. He knows my old place, but does not know the current location…
The pictures have been taken. Twice actually. By the policewomen who came to the incident with their phone. And then another inspector came the next day with a proper camera. I have been to A&E, but I am not sure what their report would say as apart from the bruises I dont have any further injuries.
I am already having second thoughts about this court thing…. I really dont think I am strong enough. It’s been the third day only and I feel I soften to him…. Like, I dont want him to know where i live, I dont feel like meeting him, or giving him another chance. I do know that if I give him another chance he will never forgive me for calling the police and there will be another time and i might not be that lucky…
However, i dont want him to end up in prison either…. I know that deep down there is a good heart in him….. maybe I would not trust him with a woman, but as a person he is not bad…. I am still alive after all…..
All that happened seems blur. Really if not the bruises on my body i would think I am making it up… that it did not happen. That it was a dream.. Or happened long long time ago….. And not to me…
I know I am stupid….. Like it is a crime to beat a woman and scare her like that…. It is a crime, as I really really thought i will die. I was sure he would kill me and maybe after that kill himself….
but…………….

[Ayanna]

He deserves prison, Anabela.
But rest assured, even when you tell the most horror stories about him in court, he will not be sent to prison.
He may get a light sentence.
Patriarchy protects their own and lets down the female victims.

You should go through the court proceedings, so that at least he gets a restraining order for your own safety in the future.
Victim support will support you to go through this.

[Pondlife]

That’s amazing!!! Well done. You must have been terrified.

Hold on to that feeling and that strength! It’s so easy to lose. I remember when my bf was arrested. I had a few hours of clarity when I decided to make a statement against him. I was going to be brave and not let him get away with it… I phoned the arresting officer. Went through everything in my head… Then… I lost my resolve. The officer was busy and didn’t call back til really late at night. I ended up going back to my bf, sneaking around to see him even when he was on bail… Getting attacked more severely, being blackmailed into making a statement where I denied everything I had done and said I had attacked HIM. It was bonkers. I often think of what might have happened if I had stayed strong.

I hope you have a good support network. That will help. But at the end of the day, you are strong and amazing. You can do the right thing. The right thing maybe reporting him. If he has a record, even if he is found not guilty the record won’t die. Mainly, the right thing is just what you have already done- getting AWAY. That may take all the strength you have.

You are already one of my heroes. Well done

[Author]

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