I am confused about whether its sexual assualt or rape or neither

[brokenheartedgirl1234]

my ex partner would put his (detail removed by moderator) and even i told him i didnt like it he would continue and say ‘dont lie u enjoy it’ he would put his (detail removed by moderator) anf he knew i was uncomfrotable with this. what is this? everytime we had sex i was worried he would put it in my anal hole without telling me. is this rape? im confused. it was my first time ever having sexual relations so im confused

[Wants To Help]

Hi there,

This is a sexual assault. Unless he penetrated or tried to penetrate you with his penis it is not rape or attempted rape. Rape is when someone penetrates your vagina, a**s or mouth with their penis without your consent. Attempted rape is when they try to penetrate one of those areas without your consent. Sexual assault is serious. You told him to stop and he dismissed this, even telling you that you were enjoying it when you clearly told him to stop! This man is a sexual abuser within an intimate relationship.

I’ve put a link to ROSA below. They are a charity for Rape Or Sexual Abuse. There may be one near to you that you can make contact with to talk about this if you feel the need to speak to someone more specialised in dealing with sexual abuse.

Homepage

I’m sorry that you experienced this with your first sexual partner. Not all men are like this I promise you x

[KIP.]

This is from the NHS website.

A sexual assault is any sexual act that a person did not consent to, or is forced into against their will. It is a form of sexual violence and includes rape (an assault involving penetration of the vagina, a**s or mouth), or other sexual offences, such as groping, forced kissing, child sexual abuse or the torture of a person in a sexual manner.

Sexual assault is an act that is carried out without the victim’s active consent. This means they didn’t agree to it.

It is not uncommon for a victim of sexual assault to have no physical injuries or signs of their assault. But sexual assault is still a crime and can be reported to the police in the same way as other crimes.

[KIP.]

What I always found a good way to judge is would you do that to someone? If someone told you that they didn’t like something and that it was uncomfortable would you continue to do it? No you wouldn’t. Sexual contact should alway be consensual and never should you feel worried. A caring partner will listen to you and validate you and do nothing to harm you.

[SmallSteps@aTime]

I can relate with you , my ex partner did the exact same thing to me. He would always say that you are enjoying it stop lying. It is definitely abuse – it took me a long time to accept this.

[nbumblebee]

Ive written this 3 times now too afraid to post but I think you may need to hear that you are not alone. I went away (detail removed by moderator) and ok in a joking way my husband said that i wasnt allowed to say no to sex (detail removed by moderator). He got what he asked for. At one point I told him that i didnt want it he said are you saying no? I could see in his eyes and by the tone of his voicw if i said no hed be horrible so i said im not saying no but i am telling you i dont want sex.
He carried on and we had sex. This wasnt the first time this has happened. Now i dont see it as rape nor abuse its just not nice, not right.
Im telling you this not because our stories are similar but i want you to know you are not alone. It took so much bravery and cojrage for you to post that on here. Now use that bravery and courage to go and get help. It doesnt matter what you call it what label you put on it how he treats you is not right and you do not deserve to be treated that way. Talk to someone who
Can really help you. Good luck and take care x

[maddog]

There’s so much shame and embarrassment around rape and sexual assault. Why would anyone want to have sex with someone who’s threatening them if they don’t. That’s not consensual and it’s called rape. If someone’s put in a position where No isn’t an option, it can be classed as rape.

So often in abusive relationships, we normalise and confuse coercion with consent.

Rape Crisis is brilliant. Please don’t feel afraid to call them or undermine your own experience. You’ve been treated appallingly and it’s not your fault.

[brokenheartedgirl1234]

thank you for sharing all this info and your own stories you all truly are amazing women and i pray to god that we recieve ease and a better life <3

@wantstohelp i will contact ROSA thankyou very much for clarifying and i am hoping for my second sexual experience its with someone who will love and appreciate me.. i will pray for this and i believe god will help me. i will never settle for a s****y controlling abusive man ever again!

@KIP that is so true! whenever my husband said he wasnt in the mood i compeletky stopped trying to initiate things and wouldnt want it too! its sad that he couldnt do the same! but that mindset is a clever way of putting it. everything my husband did i wouldnt have ever done to him. i have reported the sexual assault and i hope the police takes it seriously im just worried he might get a really long sentence i feel really bad if he does (he has done quite alot of things to me so thats why i think he may be in prison for long).
do you know whether its easy for the perp to get an aquittal if they have like (detail removed by moderator) separate charges aghainst the victim?

@smallssteps@atime i am sorry that you had to go through this too and i pray to god that you heal from this. my heart really goes out to you 🙁 its terrible how someone we trusted did this to us!
but i believe one day god will deliver justice and we will be happy again

@numbumblebee i am so sorry you went through this and thank you for your story i do not feel alone because you and everyone else here make me feel so much better i feel like if we are all sitting here and living we can do this we got this. after all this abuse i attempted to take my own life i took some pills it didnt do anything. we all left and thats the biggest thing! i know how u feel like its terrible your husband did that because husbands are supposed to be our everything our protectors. i saw my husband as my everything im not with him anymore but i still refer to him as my husband. he was my first i saved myself for marriage 🙁 i hope society evolves in a way were our body count doesnt matter.

@maddog thank you so much for taking time out of ur day to respond to me <3 i will have a look at rape crisis

[KIP.]

Sexual assault/rape are very hard to prove as there are usually no witnesses so don’t be over confident. I think the conviction rate for rape from the point of reporting to a criminal guilty verdict is only 3 percent. Any only around 43 percent of cases reported even make it to court. There is every chance he’s done this before or since and that’s where some good corroborated evidence can come from too. Anyone you have confided in. Any doctors records. Witnesses and other victims. It’s not an easy journey at all. Please don’t look to the justice system purely for validation.

[Author]

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