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    • #124475
      Rosemary
      Participant

      I feel so depressed because most things in my life
      Is just negitive its horrible I wish for nice things to happen in my life but my life is just all negitive . I feel sad and lost how life has always treated me sorry that I probably dont make sense but if I explain I will be going in to much to detail I wanted some support in how I think
      Positive when everything is negative. The thing is my life has been more negative sence I met my partner my life gone down hill more so . He is abusive controling and finatural abusive. Everything elese just get worse in my life just makes me so depressed. I always thought I would have the most lovely life but I dont.i have a frew wishes in my life and it’s never come to true it just gets me down.

    • #124480
      Darcy
      Participant

      Hi beautiful Angel … Rosemary,
      I do understand how you are feeling and that you are going through a lot, but if we want things to change we are the only ones who can do this, however much support we have, it has to come from within:
      ”Change occurs when the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of changing”
      As small as a positive may seem, you have to take it…
      Did you eat today ? = Positive
      Are you warm ? = Positive
      Do you have your health ? = Positive
      Do you have a happy memory you can recall ? = Positive
      I know these all seem like things we should have anyway but some people don’t and would love to be able to… so however small it may seem and however silly you feel saying thank you for what you have you have to start to make the change and have gratitude
      What you are going through will be your biggest lesson and give you the most strength if you can stop clinging to the negative
      When I was with my ex there’s no way in the world I would have had access to a forum like this … he didn’t even let me have a mobile phone … so again, access to this forum = Positive
      Count your blessings however insignificant they may seem
      Please don’t think I am devaluing what you are feeling, I know all to well these feelings are real, however I also know that even what seems like the worst situation in the world can be turned around with a little work, a little positivity, a little belief and a little blind faith … I know this because I am living proof it can happen
      Sending you love and support
      Darcy xx

    • #124481
      ISOPeace
      Participant

      Rosemary I’m sorry to hear how bad you feel. Abuse really keeps us feeling bad and that’s exactly what the abuser wants – to keep us feeling weak so we don’t think we can leave. Abuse eats away at our hope and joy and kicks us down. I often thought about how crazy it was that I would make loads of effort with self care (when I could, my husband was always critical of it, which I now know was because abusers don’t want us to look after ourselves), only to pick myself up for the next time I was crushed by abuse.

      You always sounds so sweet and sincere in your posts. You truly deserve a happy life and a loving, respectful partner.

      I know getting out is not easy. I also know that because you already know your partner is abusive, you are already on your journey to freedom. There is time to have the life you want and deserve. You, and everyone else on this forum, are strong. You have to be strong to live with abuse. I know you probably don’t feel strong, but living with abuse takes incredible strength. I would focus your energy on looking after yourself, not him and his demands. Do what you need to to get through each day and start planning to leave, even if you don’t think you’ll leave any time soon. I found reading about abuse really helpful in understanding why he does what he does, which helped me stop using energy wondering why he was so horrible. Give him as little of your energy and soul as you can – I realise that it’s virtually impossible to give away nothing while you’re still living with him.

      You will get out Rosemary, I know you will. Stay strong. Sending lots of lots and support and positive vibes your way xxxxx

    • #124488
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Thank you Darcy

      Your positive words are so true which we all must be thankful for . On the list you gave me I can think of some positive things which does really matter and I understand what you mean . Thank you for sending me thease positive words because they do mean everything to me .

      I feel so weak and tired of everything what is going on in my life not just with my partner but everything elese is geting on top of me as well. I

      I now I need to believe in my self and be strong in my self my parnter made me feel the way I do and one day I will be stronger in my self and tell him my feelings . The thing is he nows how he is treating me because his told others that his been horrible to me so he nows what he is doing .what h
      Me down Darcy is that my partner makeing us finatural difficulties which makes life worse for me .

      I cant control the money he has it all so I cant get things I need for explain for my house or things we need . If I had the money I would look after it propley and put money to things which are most needed.where I live makes me depressed as well I just never dream of a life that I have .

      Thank you for careing it means alot to me x*x

    • #124490
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Hello ISOpeace

      Thank you for reaching out to me every word you
      Said is so true and I agree with you. Reading your post made me feel emotional because i do deserve a better life than I have now . Most days I do feel weak but when I do get strong my partner dont like it then he gets worse which makes me scared of his
      Reactions or what he say and do it’s the abuse
      That I have had over the years from him that’s made me feel weak and tired of it all .
      There not one bit of my life that my partner makes
      Positive. My life went down hill from the day I met him till years after and I can see the Patton how my life has been untill the day I met him untill now .

      I really need to think about my self my own mental
      Heath and wellbeing if I try not think what will happen when I leave my partner or what will he do.
      It’s so hard not to think negitive thoughts which
      Is that is all I am used to for years . Your advice and surport means everything to me thank
      You for being here for me .

      All the ladys on this form have gave me some strength and love which makes me feel stronger each day thank you for takeing your time to reach out to me . Talking on survivors form has helped me alot so thank you all from the bottom of my heart xxxx

    • #124504
      Darcy
      Participant

      Hi beautiful Rosemary,
      Believe me I know how hard it is to be positive in such a negative situation and as soon as he sees one ounce of strength in you he will shut it down.
      That is why we have to get strong from the inside … he can’t control your thoughts as much as he may want to and as much as we let them believe they are.
      You have to be smart about this and keep it internal until you get strong.
      Start with a little mantra today … mine was … ”I’m going to have it all again and more” I would also whisper in my dogs ear that we would be leaving soon.
      You may not like where you live but make the most of it… open the windows, let some fresh air in, freshen up and sort things out to move the stagnant energy around. Take a look at your diet and if you cant get out to exercise, I use to do stretches in the bathroom where he could not disturb me.
      Google / read anything you can that up lifts you and if you can put some music on, if you can’t again just have a favourite song in your head … he cant turn that off.
      I cannot stress to you enough that when I took my energy away from hating on my ex and turned it on focusing on me how quickly my life changed.
      He will not change, you will not change him, yes there may be moments you see him in a different light, but it is hard enough to change yourself let alone to change anyone else … it is a waste of time and energy
      Focus on you … even if you go out somewhere in the car with him and he’s going off on one … look at the sky, know that the universe is supporting you … this change in mind set is so powerful.
      He doesn’t have to know what you are doing and by having these techniques for you it makes it easier to put up with him, until you are strong enough to leave.
      I have probably recommended it before as its my go to book, but if you can read or listen to Louise Hay.. You Can Change Your Life. If not try and google some of her work on YouTube … it will then lead you to a whole world of positive people to inspire and motivated you
      My darling, I am sending all my love to you … take strength from that
      I believe you have the power within
      Darcy xx

    • #124507
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hi Rosemary and ISOpeace,

      I suspect that every lady on this forum can empathise with you and I know from a recent post that alot of us are really struggling at the moment.

      I find a few things help. I reach out to the forum, I reach out to family and friends and, as D’Arcy said, I count my blessings. I have so much to be thankful for. I have two beautiful children, they have always had clean water to drink, healthy food to eat and a roof over their heads. They have both survived to adulthood. It may sound silly but hundreds of millions of women around the world don’t experience those things. I live in a country where I did have the option of walking away from an abusive relationship, again, hundreds of millions of women simply can’t do that, the laws and social norms of their country means that they can’t do that. I’m a little worried that this sounds trite, please forgive me if it does, my intention is only to perhaps give you some ideas about things that might help. However, counting my blessings is only part of what I do.

      You could try mindful meditation, burn essential oils such as lavender and rose and I have some hobbies that help to sooth (eg reading and cross stitch). Perhaps a visit to your GP for medication could also help.

      Non of these are magic solutions I’m afraid but if you can find the things that work for you, then it might just give you enough of a lift to put one foot in front of the other and to start to plan a better future for yourself. xx

    • #124521
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Thank you Darcy for caring and helping me get thought my day and my thoughts . Thank you for your support it really means alot to me . I like to play music I even put the music up a bit louder when my partner going on at me so I cant here him it Seams to work and he gives up giveing me mental toucher other times I feel I have to sit there and listen to him which gets me down. I also go in my own space where I live away from him sometimes his asking where I am I live in the same house as well sometimes I feel I have no choice to stay down stars from the abusive it was a problem to him
      If I am not in the same room as him he still talks
      About it now . I should beabule to go any where
      In my house with out feeling anxious that I am doing the wrong thing I no I am not but he makes me feel I am with his control over me its horrible.

      All your advice you gave me I take in to consideration you have help me so much and to even
      Give me strength in my self by reading your post
      Like you said there is a light at the other
      End of the tunnel If I believe in my self think
      Positive and be strong I will get there one day Darcy . I always think to my self that I never get
      Out of my situation but there got to be hope for me because other women have left there abusive relationship.

      It’s so true what your saying because sometimes when my parter is kind and careing which he can be Ii see him in a different light but at the same time the abusive and how his treated me comes back
      In to my mind which makes me feel num it makes me
      Dislike him his made me feel I cant love him its horrible how his made me feel all thease years
      I have lived with abusive and my partner being aggressive controling abuseing me I cant ever for get all the bad things my partner says to me I never remember the good things his done . I do remember them but the negitives things take over the good things he has done . Because my whole life with him most of it is negative so how can I put the negitives back of my mind when he has his good days it’s really impossible and I dont think I am being unkind it’s just how his treated me over the years .

      Thank you Darcy for your help and support
      Sending you hugs and all my love

    • #124522
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Hello eggshells

      Thank you for reaching out to me I agree
      With you that I do have blessing in my life my children which I thought I could never have any because I was raped in the past .my children keep
      Me going every day they mean more than the world
      To me ❤.

      Your post is lovely hun I love to live in the country side that is my dream. I dont have any hobbies to be honest. I need to see what hobbies
      I can do your explained some there give me some ideas thank you .

      That is right there not any magic solution but to do this my self to have a better life for me and my children thank you for your advice it makes me think in a positive way xx

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