I am new and would like advice about pressing charges

[Delilah]

I managed to get my abusive partner out of my house in (detail removed by moderator) He continues to bully me financially via our solicitors and just keeps stringing it along which is costing me a fortune. I have offered him a small lump sum to get rid of him but he rejects every offer I make. The financial aspect is very complicated as he did pay off some of the mortgage and I have never disputed this and want him to have his money back. The house is in my name. Anyway the law is dealing with this but in this trustees and land act there is no consideration of behaviour etc.

While all this is going on I am slowly unravelling the abuse I have been subjected to over the (detail removed by moderator) I was with him which intensified in the two years he lived in my house. I have spoken with his ex-wife and his girlfriend who where both subject to emotional, financial and physical abuse by him. He has not physically abused me apart from twice near the beginning of the relationship when he pushed me up against the wall. He has left me feeling depressed, mad, blamed me for his rages, told me I was mental and his problems were from living with me etc etc. My work has been majorly affected, I’m off sick and on anti-depressants. I see a counsellor but I just feel wretched all the time.

I want to expose this man and his abuse but his ex’s are not prepared to help, which is fair enough. They have moved on. Has anyone had experience about reporting emotional, psychological and financial abuse please?

[KIP.]

Hey there. Have you spoken to Rights for Women. They offer free legal advice. I would consider ringing 101 and speaking to a domestic abuse police officer. I would also consider a civil action to recoup any monies lost due to his abuse. Start with Rights for Women. There are some battles you cannot win. My ex did exactly the same. Dragged the divorce and finances out so long I had to give him more money to avoid the cost of court. keep thinking outside the box. Look at legal aid? Ring the helpline on here and see if there is any funding available to help you. Keep talking and asking questions. If you report this to,the police his exes may change their mind if a police officer turns up at their door asking for a statement. You never know x

[Delilah]

Thank you KIP. That sounds like an action plan. When you say there are some battles you cannot win, what do you mean?

[KIP.]

I will personal message you as we can’t speak about court on this open forum x

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

I can only say try your best, like kip was , i too am still in a on going battle to prove my financial abuse. calling womens of right is the best advice i think, they answer your questions for u that u r unsure of , u can still approach a solicitor about free advice for 30 min , but i find slowly even solicitors are charging for a hour consulation these days. See if you are entitiled to legal aid, otherwise next option is to see it through via courts and solciitors

[Confused123]

just re read your post, thought u meant sorting it out via courts, in terms of pressing charges, report all abuse to police and then see what the outcome is from report first, try and do within 6 months of leaving him, even though they note all historical abuse they like to action it asap

[Delilah]

Thanks confused123. Sadly not entitled to legal aid and already been bled dry my existing financial bullying. As KIP suggested it may be worth me just paying him off and getting on with the most serious stuff. Debt I can live with, the thought that this man can just keep repeating this behaviour for the rest of his life I can not! x

[Angel of the north]

Hi Delilah

How long is it since you and him split up? I know you said there are still issues re the money but has the belittling, names calling, mind games continued? Is any of it on text/email/ written down?

If I were you I would write everything he has done to you down in a diary. Were there any witnesses? Have any of your friends/family seen a change in you? Would they provide a statement?

[Delilah]

Hi A of the North. He has been gone (detail removed by Moderator) months but continues to bully me via ridiculous financial claims. It won’t be about the money it will be about breaking me. Because I managed to get him out of MY house he is outraged and will be trying to push me so far into debt I have to sell my home which I had for many, many more years than he lived there. The start of the financial battle was getting him out of the house and I have solicitors letters (detail removed by Moderator).

There had been a significant change in me and it is hard to hide!!!! I have counsellor reports, doctor, friends, neighbours and work colleagues who could vouch for my inability to cope very well.

[Ayanna]

I had a hard time to even proof the physical abuse, although the police had tapes (detail removed by Moderator).
What I did was to write everything in my divorce statement and make a complaint(detail removed by Moderator)when things did not work well.
I also refused to agree when I found it was injustice.
I refused to give him money or anything (detail removed by Moderator).

[Author]

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