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I fleed domestic violence over (timeframe removed by Moderator) years ago, and I rebuilt my life and after (timeframe removed by Moderator) years I felt strong enough to meet someone new. I did meet someone, and there has been no violence, but there is emotional abuse. He has kept me as a secret from his children, family and friends for the last (timeframe removed by Moderator) years. He works with his childrens mother, and he keeps saying if she knew about us she would stop him from seeing his children, who are (ages removed by Moderator). He gives her money, pays her bills, and when he goes to business events they go together. His son, must think they are still together just live in different houses. He never sees my point, or accepts how I feel. He has a bad temper, and will smash things, and he has pulled me down so far that (timeframe removed by Moderator) I attempted suicide. He is always lying, and will never take accountability for his actions, after a disagreement he gives me the silent treatment. Which he is doing now, and I want to get back to the happy strong person I was before, as I got away from one toxic person I can do it again. I have a good job, nice house, nice car and I do not need him for anything. The only thing is I have no friends, my daughters have both moved out and are living their lives, I am very lonely, and I know in a few weeks he will try and come back and the rollercoster will start again. I do not know why I cannot just say no, I am scared of him, and he has knocked all of my confidence, I work from home mostly, so feel like I am trapped in a prison. When we were together, I only saw him for a few hours a week, as he has his bussiness to run. If we do go for food, he spends all his time on his phones, he doesnt ask about my day or work. He is always calling me with his problems, there is a drama everyday in his life and with him recently loosing his (relative removed by Moderator), he uses his loss as an excuse. He is clearly living a double life, he knows I am a nice person, I do not like arguments or drama. I would never go to his business and confront him as I am not that kind of person. He mentions his childrens mums name multiple times every day, it just makes me feel like why am I here again, and why do I feel like I will never get happiness.
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I was in a group that I was sent to by the local domestic abuse unit and we recently had a conversation about how it is tough to end these relationships, even though we want to. They’re kind of intense and take up a lot of bandwidth. Suddenly there’s a lot of quiet on our hands and it’s not easy.
Even getting 20 horrible texts a day is still attention. It’s still not silence!
None of us had any magic wands to wave on this one. I think we just have to do the hard graft. Know that you may be lonely for a while. Tough it out. Do what you need to do to get through it. Join groups, do volunteering, take up projects, go on holidays ( lots for people going alone these days) …you know the kind of thing. Fake it ‘til you make it! You don’t need to have best friends to be in pleasant and entertaining company. Be shallow! Just find some groups to go to the theatre with, or out for dinner, or walking, or skiing or litter picking or whatever you like doing. -
Thank you @evenserpentsshine, I go to the gym which helps a lot and I have been thinking about going on holiday alone it will be hard at first but I know my worth and each day I’m going to get stronger. I just hope this time he stays away and let me get on with my life
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