I am new here and totally lost and confused

[Always time for tea]

Hi I don’t really know what to say to start with but I am just very upset, confused, sad, exhausted, everything really.

I’ve reached out now to get help from (local service name removed by Moderator) as I have had enough. I know I am not perfect and I have made mistakes but I can’t take the constant ups and downs not knowing when there is going to be another kick off and it is always the same thing. He drinks, smokes, gambles more then his mood gets worse and it always ends up that I’ve done something and I make him depressed, I make his mental health worse, professionals have said it’s my fault he is the way he is and he’s needing to get support from me.

We were supposed to be having a break away (timeframe removed by Moderator) and yet again it was ruined. I can’t do it anymore, every fun thing is taken away and spoiled.

I feel scared that’s I’ve reached out and I am going to make things worse, relieved that I’ve done it too but sad because I do love him and I want things to be better but I know I am fooling myself.

sorry I feel like I am not making sense or it’s really trivial but I’m just a little lost at the moment.

😢☹️

[Lisa]

Hi Always time for tea, and welcome to the forum,

I know that so many of the other women here will relate to how you’re feeling and hopefully they will be able to post soon to share this with you. What you’ve shared isn’t trivial, it’s extremely valid and important.

I’m so sorry that the blame for his abusive behaviours has been laid on you, including by professionals. There is nothing that you could do that makes you responsible for or deserving of abuse from another person. Unfortunately, domestic abuse is still much misunderstood and this must have made it all the more difficult to reach out for the support that you deserve but I’m so glad that you’re doing that now. It’s scary reaching out, it can feel like a threat to the little bit of control you do have, but domestic abuse services should focus on empowering you to make your own decisions about what you want. You shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything you’re not comfortable with or before you’re ready.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Always time for tea]

Thanks so much Lisa for your reply. Sorry I haven’t worded it correctly the professionals haven’t said it, I this is what he is trying to making me believe. He doesn’t have any diagnoses and every time he leaves he ring the doctors when he tried to get me back to say he is going to get help then after a few weeks tells me the same thing. I was so unwell by these lies I really thought I was losing my mind and it was all a lie!

[Better-days]

I understand exactly how u feel not trivial at all, for me all the small things make one huge thing. Reaching out will make u feel better even if u don’t leave. I reached out to woman’s aid and my local housing last year and I felt better I’m still in this relationship desperate to leave private let’s r too expensive and as I own my house joined I have been placed on a low category for housing and no houses have came available in that category. I feel so stuck at times it’s horrible. I hope u are feeling better x*x

[Always time for tea]

Thanks so much Better-days I have left the relationship.  Well he caused a storm and left again, this is the pattern. Comes back for (timeframe removed by Moderator) weeks for the first week or donuts all sunlight and roses then the rest of the time causes chaos and unsettlement then leaves and completely blanks me for how ever long he feels like it but it’s getting ridiculous now and each time I know what’s going to happen but it always leaves me feeling much worse and so silly for falling for it all over again. (specific detail removed by Moderator) it’s constant living and walking on eggshells . I really feel for you being stuck in the house it’s such an awful thing, the private rents are so so expensive too you’re right but we have to just keep telling ourselves it can’t be like this forever and we will make ourselves better, xx

[StrongLife]

Glad you got out and are away.

Private renting is difficult- it’s heavy where I am but far better than the garbage I put up with.

It’s the chaos and yelling,screaming and accusations. Now where I am it’s extremely quiet.

 

 

[Author]

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