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    • #61677
      Anonymous
      Participant

      So it has been so difficult without him in my life I have my days where I miss him but don’t miss what he put me through psychologically. He is now constantly adding me on social media and I’m scared if he finds my friends and tries to contact them to get to me. Sometimes I question did I not do enough.
      I am managing to get things done slowly now. As for before I was not even getting out of bed. I am beginning to accept the past trying to leave it behind but when he sends me requests and emails so just want to go back to him.
      Wondering how he is. Does this man really care about me. But then if he did why would he make me worry about him all night. Have I been to harsh on him. Did I expect to much from him. I don’t know anymore. What I do know is I do have love for him. I do care for him everyday I wonder what it would have been like if I tried again. I wanted a family with him a new life. Everyone had moved forward and I’m left with my abusive father alone. What am I going to do I am not even well enough to go back to work. I have no financial stability to even move out. What am I supposed to do.
      If I go back to him now could things be different or would it just be the same. I would never know what he has actually been doing without me as I do not trust him. The only reason I don’t want to call him is because he got his previous number back when I left which all of his exes have. That’s what scares me. I don’t want to be second best. His family and friends are first then there was me. Felt like I was nothing. The way he treated me was like I was nothing to him he hurt me over and over again. He just knew how to make me smile and laugh at times that’s what made me fall.

      Please pray that I get through this withot falling back I really hope I can move forward and one day have my own independence. My own life without living with my abusive father. I am (age removed by moderator) now and need to be independent I feel like all my friends are getting married and there’s me alone in this world not able to trust anyone. Will I get my happy ending?

    • #61700
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Hi Anonymous,

      You are doing really, really well for the stage you are at in the process of getting an abuser out of your life. Progress is slow, really slow but you are on that path to recovery. Yes stay on that path (stay No Contact with him) and keep posting on here and just take it One Day At a Time (sometimes take it One Hour Ay a Time).

      Let the what-ifs go. Don’t go there with the thoughts of what if I had tried harder, did it different, was different. Analysis is paralysis. Just focus on you, on your daily self-care. Its all about small steps. No big steps at the moment. These small steps, done daily over time will lead you to a life you deserve where you will be financially self-supporting. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You have done the most important thing and are not in a relationship with him. However to get the thoughts of him out of your head you need to not be in contact with him via social media. emails, texts etc. This contact with him will stop you moving forward. See how you are moving forward in that you are getting things done but his contact with you is not good for you. Its good for him (he knows he’s affecting you) but not good for you. Block all means of communications with him and see how good you soon start to feel.

      I had no financial independence from the abuser when I started to go No Contact but now I do. It takes time but it will happen. The priority is to get him and his presence out of your life completely then slowly as you continue to get support from on here and Women’s Aid and wherever else you can Citizen’s Advice etc your life will start to function well. Remember you are not the problem, he is. So you have everything you need to live a good life. You are capable, talented, creative, hard-working, trustworthy, loyal, kind with lots of empathy. You have all you need. You just need him as far away as possible from you and help/support from everywhere and anywhere you can access the help. We can’t do this on our own.

    • #61732
      Anonymous
      Participant

      Thank you so much. I have carried in with the no contact been over (detail removed by moderator) now. Still missing him and I wish I didn’t think it is holding on to hope. Which I don’t want to do but I can’t help it. I really wish I could just erase everything but it is not that simple. I am really trying to move forward without him sometimes it just gets so difficult. His emails get sent to a blocked folder as iCloud does not allow them to be deleted. He told me he is not okay which does make me worry. But then I think when I would wait up every night worrying if he’s drinking again or where he is and who he is with. The paranoia was driving me insane. I don’t want to live my life worrying about him all the time. Not being able to trust him and him not building our trust did not help. I am actually frightened as this is the first time I am doing this alone without anyone to help me usually I fall back on to a previous partner or someone new. This time I am not. I don’t want to make the same mistakes over and over again as that was my third abusive relationship. I am so scared of what my fiture holds. Do not feel safe at all anymore.

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