I am so confused

[Oceanastar]

Hi Again,

Gosh i am in and out of these forums because my head is so much of a mess with it all.
I believe deep down i have been suffering abuse, abuse brought on by his cocaine addiction. I know this isnt a reason or an excuse. I think i have managed to accept that, well make that clear in my head which is why i have managed to leave him. What I am struggling with and i have posted this before is was i just as abusive?
I did criticise him, i did argue with him, i did call him out for being lazy and selfish. I was able to stand my ground and although was slightly scared hed hurt me (punched the wall, ripped the stair gates out of the wall) deep down i knew he wouldnt go that far.
We attended couple counselling to which domestic abuse was never mentioned it centred around the unhealthy habits and his addiction. I am worried i made him that way. I know i didnt deserve to be treated like his cleaner, the only carer of our child and I know his actions around installing a hidden camera and accusing me constantly of unfaithfulness was completely out of order but was i just as bad. I didnt wake up one day and decide to be a cow to him my behaviour was in truth a result of the way he treated me, our child and issues within the relationship but am i wrong?

[Eggshells]

This is a question that comes up over and over again on the forum as so many of us react to abuse in ways that we worry about.

Abusive behaviour is intentional and the intention is to control.

If you look back at what you have written, your behaviour was reactive and not intentional. Therein lies your answer.

You were not abusive. If you were an abusive person, you wouldn’t even be asking the question. Abusers do not question their own behaviour. They don’t worry about it or feel bad about it (even if they sometimes claim they do).

However, you are a survivor! Be proud and love yourself. xx

[Oceanastar]

Thank you I needed that xx

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