This topic contains 15 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Twisted Sister 3 weeks, 5 days ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #76416
     maddog 
    Participant

    I have been unable to change estate agents. I am being badly triggered by the ones in place. I am also being triggered by organisations who are supposed to (ahem) help. I am struggling to calm down and see a way forward. My ex has put these people in place and I have no escape. Help!

  • #76433
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Can you advertise your home yourself? Put an add on (detail removed by moderator) homes or your local housing website and local newspaper? Break things down into teaspoon sizes. One thing at a time?

  • #76435
     maddog 
    Participant

    I would love to be able to do that KIP. My ex and I have to be in agreement about agents. He refuses to change so I am trapped. I could spend ££££ and go back to court as he has been blocking the sale of the house. The agent phoned and said they had a potential buyer and could I move out with my family into rented accommodation so the sale could go ahead quickly. I know these agents are bullies. This takes the biscuit.

  • #76437
     Twisted Sister 
    Participant

    Dear Maddog

    Whats your situation? Are you looking for somewhere to buy for yourself, once a sale is agreed? Are you waiting on the money from the house sale to rent or buy something?

    I would, if you can, put something in writing to the manager at the office to set out your limitations in terms of frequency o communications and that house sale will need to be tied up before next step.

    Also, don’t answer the phone to them, as as a lot of sales behaviour is bullying and pressurised the same as abusers, and they are pretty abusive in their tactics to secure house sales.

    You need to get back control by not answering the phone, and allocating a set time or day that you will look at their communications, the same with your ex, or anyone else you find triggering.

    It’s no surprise that agents will trigger you, they do employ the same tactics as abusers. Everything has to be done now by them, and it doesn’t. Take your time, you control your communications.

    I also thought it was legal process to pick three to decide upon one from them.

    Take back control in any way you can.

    Warmest wishes TS

  • #76438
     maddog 
    Participant

    That’s a good idea Twisted Sister. I have absolute minimum contact with my ex. I haven’t seen or been in contact with him now for several months. The government agency person I spoke to told me I would come out badly in the report she was writing. She also had on her face the lip curl of contempt. Frankly she was terrifying and I am appalled that the interrogation was not witnessed or recorded. This is my regret.

  • #76441
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hi. Can you simply employ your own agents on a no sell no fee policy. If that bothers him then let him take you back to court. He won’t but Even if he does you can justify your behaviour. If you are happy staying in the house meantime then drag your feet. Like TS said allocate a time say twice a week for communication or viewing. Do it via email. Also set out your terms via email and ask them to confirm this course of action. Try to take back control in as much as how you want to proceed. I was in a position to buy my ex out although I lost out financially it was worth every penny to get him out of that part of my life.

  • #76468
     maddog 
    Participant

    The current agent has a potential buyer and is already bullying me to get out. There is no offer on the table. I am furious with being bullied by all these people organised by my ex. It is frankly maddening. I feel terrible and powerless, especially with the government agency who carries a lot of power.

  • #76517
     maddog 
    Participant

    This is really strange.(Detail removed by moderator). So many terrible things have been happening to me and I am being gaslighted by different agencies. Honestly I feel as though I am going mad.

    My ex has other people doing his dirty work for him.

  • #76519
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Yep sounds like he’s has been telling them stories. His version of the truth no doubt depicts you as the villain.

  • #76521
     maddog 
    Participant

    I have lots of wonderful people holding my back. (Detail removed by moderator). It is very difficult because I am starting to believe I am the villain. I know I am not. What miserable hell it is. I almost want my lovely boyfriend to dump me. It is hard to believe.

  • #76524
     Twisted Sister 
    Participant

    I am glad that you know that you are not the villain here!

    Keep strong Maddog!

    I think it’s worth you documenting in an ail to them, what has been said, and that their ‘pr of essional’ services as a result are not proving to be professional, based on their recent behaviour, so you will be instructing professional agents to find potential purchasers to get things moving along.

    As its documented you have evidence of reasonable course of action to get your house sale through.

    Hold strong there you can so climb above this!

    Warmest wishes TS

  • #76565
     maddog 
    Participant

    I’ve spent most of the day in tears. I have been advised to make formal complaints to the agencies involved. Cue a future barrage of self-defensive responses. I have really only to stick to the facts, the things that made me uncomfortable. There are many.
    Feel like crapp this evening.

  • #76567
     Twisted Sister 
    Participant

    Oh bless you Maddog

    Who is advising, and can they help with that?

    I mean I’m not asking for you to literally say who, but pointing to a possible source of help with the complaints.

    I hope so. Or do you need to find some source of support with them?

    You are in good company then, as I’ve been pretty much the same, and glad I’m alone at the moment to be miserable and stressed facing homelessness again, alone.

    I sometimes wish I’d just shut up and put up as it just seems to be swapping out of one life of hell for another.

    I hope you can get some support to do it all Maddog.

    Warmest wishes

    TS

  • #76571
     maddog 
    Participant

    It sounds terrible Twisted Sister. These things take us to places we couldn’t imagine. I may ask for help from CAB for one letter. The other one is harder. My solicitor is on board and so is my caseworker so I will draft something before I send it and make sure I’ve got it right.

    You will get there, Twisted Sister. The not knowing is horrible and it is terrifying looking into the abyss. The power and control doesn’t stop. Bit by bit we can at least stop it hurting us.

    My ex was in touch yesterday. Nothing nasty apart from a demand for money. I was shaking.

  • #76587
     freedomtochoose 
    Participant

    im so sorry maddog. Not much to add which is helpful but just to say thinking of you.

    Saw an advert for all-inclusive sell your house yourself service which may be of use.

    Sorry can’t remember the name.

    Solidarity
    ftc
    x

  • #76603
     Twisted Sister 
    Participant

    Dear Maddog

    I am sorry that hes still being abusive to you. Just horrendous. Can you change your number, I know you shouldn’t have to, or maybe send hm a last text to only contact you via your solicitor and that you will report any further contact frm him, and then block his number?

    I wish this awful technology didn’t leave vulnerable women and children so wide open to attack and stalking.

    Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. They do mean a lot.

    I really.don’t think it’s any where nearly widelyacknowledged enough the struggles that the women who have got away have.

    Right now I just want to walk away from my kids and everything.

    I feel like a blight on their lives. Its not that I don’t work hard to help and support them, I know I do, I just can’t deal with any semblance of him in our lives.

    Sorry for the self-pity ramble.

    I hope you can get your letters done, and get him blocked from any contact with you.

    Warmest wishes TS

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