I blew my interview

[HopeLifeJoy]

I don’t feel so well at the moment, I blew my interview, it was only an intake but I managed to mess it up. I wasn’t concentrated at all.
I’m not sure what is happening with me, I suffered from a lot of anxiety altered with depression these past few days. I don’t understand how I don’t get better but worse over time, it really does my headache. Time heals all wounds really doesn’t apply for recovering from abuse.

I think I might have to go see my gp again, maybe get anti-depressants again.

[freedomtochoose]

Hopelifejoy

A few words to reach out to you. Like yourself, last year I thought I was doing really well and somehow ‘over it’ then a few things came together and I fell into a bit of a hole emotionally which was so difficult, because I started feeling like I had failed.

I would like to say I salute your courage. Getting back on the horse etc.
No shame, no shame in going back to GP hopelifejoy, no shame at all.

You desrever the help. As do us all. That is what it is there for.

ftc
x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi hopelifejoy, I think even going for an interview was incredibly brave of you, try looking at it as a positive and not that you didn’t get it, but that it probably wasnt the right job for you anyway. Time does heal all wounds but how they got there is a different matter. Definately go and talk to your gp, taking anti depressants are just one of the things we do to survive. If your leg was broken, you’d get it set in plaster, so why not take something that helps your head get into a better place. Best wishes my friend💜💜

[maddog]

Please try not to take interviews personally. You did really well in securing one in the first place. It is like auditioning for a part. They know exactly what they want (hopefully) and hopefully they were trained in interview techniques.

Please don’t beat yourself up about it.

All the rubbish that you have witnessed is not your fault. There is no shame on taking tablets to take the edge off things. At least now there are pills without monstrous side-effects, and taking something until you are on sounder ground is probably a good idea.

I do understand what you mean when you say about time not being a healing element with abuse. I have spent my life living in shadows because of it. Because it wasn’t sexual there were no words for it.

You are here on this forum which is a big thing. I hope you have someone on side who can help you access the appropriate help you need. I have found Women’s Aid and Victim Support fantastic. It is life-changing but in a good way. Please keep reaching out.

[fizzylem]

Hey HLJ, it’s ok, it’s fine, you weren’t ready that’s all.

Could it be trauma related? Do you also feel fatigued? Suffering with memory loss? If I were you I’d get myself a psychotherapist that specialises in trauma work and is also experienced in domestic abuse.

Could you afford to pay? Like most things, you get what you pay for, as in life, it’s no different here. Most of the better private therapists will see a few people on low income at a reduced rate, because they are so very aware that accessing experienced help can be hard to do but is essential and the need is great.

It’s actually a good way of weeding out the rubbish therapists, if it feels like they are more concerned about their fee than you then walk on; those who are in it because it is a vocation and thus dedicated to what they do, do not place any great importance on payment, because they’re full, and the rest fo the time they have full fee paying clients.

If you are interested in exploring this, before you do, go to the BACP website and look for the info on how to choose a therapist as there is good advice and questions you can ask to help you determin the right person for you. Research shows that when a good therapeutic match is made, the therapy outcome is much greater – so it is worth spending a bit of time to begin with doing this.

It is worth asking the GP about trauma therapy though as well, but to explore all the options as this may mean a long wait or you’ll just get funnelled into 10 sessions of CBT, which is more of a sticking plaster, it kind of helps for the duration of the therapy, can help you gain more control over your thoughts and thus emotions, but it wont touch the processing of the trauma – unless it is trauma specific therapy. However, sometimes people can get lucky and they do find a great NHS therapist, but even when they do it is time limited, meaning you’re looking at 6,10 or 20 sessions at the most. Most of us find that a long term committment is required really, but! That it is money well spent.

Keep posting HLJ x

[Peacethroughhealing]

Don’t let him beat you. I almost lost my job I was so distraught by what he had done. I almost lost my sanity but I picked myself up from the ground and kept going because I will not allow him to destroy me, the person that I am or what I have. Total control and manipulation from my ‘partner’ and so it goes on. He doesn’t live with me which is something. I once had so much love for him and now I am starting to despise him.

[freedomtochoose]

Agree it was brilliant of you to get an interview in the first place.
One thing that might be worth considering if you really wanted the job is to ask for (constructive) feedback from the people who interviewed you, you could frame this as ‘something to work on in future’…

This usually shows you in a very good light.

One of the orgnaisations I most enjoyed working for in my life in fact I had six interviews for different jobs. In the end the personell manager agreed they should have employed me years earlier.

I kind of made it a rule that I would always try again if I wanted to work somewhere..

You would also be surprised perhaps how many people accept jobs and then change their minds…

Could be your approach to ask for feedback might land on someone’s desk at the very moment they person who accepted the job had changed their minds…

well done anyway whatever you decide…

there is also that phrase:

‘if the door doesn’t open it is not the right door…’…(for you….)

all best
ftcx

[HopeLifeJoy]

Thank you so very much for your kind and encouraging replies. It helped me and stopped me straight from drowning further down. Thank you so much. 😌

I called my GP and made an appointment.
I do feel extremely tired atm, I have to pull myself together to even take a shower, eat and do laundry. It’s as if I weighted a tone and I want to sleep for a hundred years and no amount of caffein is helping.

I wish to work and am trying since few months to get a job and that was finally my first interview. I received an anxiety attack and fell ill with the flu so I had to reschedule my first appointment. When the time came the second time around I was much calmer.
I did have memory loss in the middle of the interview, when he asked me to name my best skills, I went blank, I had to read it off of my resume. I also forgot the names of the systems I used. It was terrible. I wouldn’t hire me. I felt awfully ashamed afterwards and cried and self medicated with wine to knock me out.

I am on the waiting list for trauma therapy. This will be my second therapy. The first therapy was for depression.
She is experienced in trauma, I double checked with her, I just hope she is honest and competent. The costs are covered by my health insurance so financially I don’t have to worry but I will check if she is passionate about her vocation and not only after the money like the last one I went to.

Maybe it indeed wasn’t time for work. 😔
Maybe I do have to deal with my health first. Again. I thought I can do both. 😶

[fizzylem]

Wow! Someone’s been busy! You’ve achieved alot! And all this when you’re only firing on one cylinder! You will definately get there, I can hear it in your words. So good to read HLJ, all great and all going to help. FL.x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi after reading your last post, i don’t think you blew your interview at all. You definately sound organised and will get what you want in the future. When our confidence has been knocked so badly any negatives we get seem so much worse and very personal. Totally agree about asking fir feedback, it shows you’re willing to adapt and improve if needs be, plus if the job is what you really want, keep pestering them. I remember years ago i was desperate to work in a particular place. I phoned the company every week until i got an interview and then kept pushing myself forward. Considering i hated interviews and always just took no as a final decision i totally surprised myself. I was with them for years until austerity hit.
We’re our own worst enemies, thinking we should be over something and ready to move on when we’re really not. Be kinder to yourself, everything will fall into place in time.
Best wishes my friend IWMB 💕💕

[HopeLifeJoy]

Thank you so much for your replies 😌 you make me sound so capable thank you 🙏 I’ll read it again until it sinks in and I believe that everything will be ok. I’ll regroup and try again.

[Fudgecake]

Hello HLJ I just wanted to add that I think you’re doing amazingly. Getting an interview shows that you are getting closer to your goal. Don’t get down hearted even though the disappointment will be there. Use this experience to arm yourself with for the next interview – and there will be a next one 😊
Sending you warm wishes and lots of good luck in your search. 🍀

[HopeLifeJoy]

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement and wishes, it really helped me to not take it personally and shift my focus on learning something positive out of this experience.

I do feel better; I have realised that I have to be kinder to my brain, it is a little messed up since the abuse, I can’t ignore that, it isn’t the first time my concentration fails me, last year during my depression, I went to one of the less arty museum (pharmaceutical one) and it was a challenge to concentrate to understand the products and their purpose on front of me. I remember I cried silently the first minutes right there because I felt abandoned by my brains. But it went away I think after the first half hour and I was able to enjoy the museum. So I think my brain needs more concentration exercises; I’ll go visit museums 😀

[Fudgecake]

I’m glad you’re feeling better HLJ 🙂
I think going to museums is a great idea. I’m going to do that myself too.
It’s tempting isn’t it to try and get back asap to where we were before we met our abusers, but healing time is essential.
You sound like a strong, positive person and I think after some me time you’ll be ready to take on anything!

[HopeLifeJoy]

Thank you Fudgecake, oh yes to get back to the normal life again 😌 I wish it more than anything. I’ll get there one day. As we all will.
I wish you a pleasant time in the museums, wish we could go together 👭🙂

[fridges]

Hopelifejoy, please do not get so upset about the interview, it does not make you any worse. It is only the interview, it does not make you a failure! You have to be persistent and if this interview did not work out well, it does not mean it always will be this way. Sometimes we need to try 100 times before it will work out, and the one who will be on winning side, who kept trying! Be more gentle on yourself, find the new ways how to comfort yourself and treat yourself well! I know from myself how I can struggle to be good to me and detach from the past experiences, and all abuse I went through. But I remind myself, I have survived and it means I have to make something good out of my life.
I have to change, I have to grow and helped along the way to other women with similar experiences.
Think about a few things how you can improve the way you feel about yourself, think about little steps what you would like to take on your life journey. It is better to take a little step a day, than none at all!
There is a good podcast I listen too, she is an american life coach, who helps me to build my confidence – champagne diet by Cara.
When I found this site – I was so broken, that I thought I’m beyond any repair. But I take time to heal all that was broken and taken away from me and I intend to continue this journey. Hope you will as well!!!!

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