I can’t cope

[soconfused2]

Thank you so much to those who have responded to my other posts.

I’m having a really bad day again. I am in the process of divorcing (but still in the same house). I think mu husband was emotionally abusive sometimes. But then I think I overreacted, it wasn’t that bad (mainly blaming and silent treatment…is that actually normal?), a lot of things were my fault (i get stressed and tired and short tempered)

I snapped and filed for divorce, but I regret it because i’m so sad and i’m so sad for my children, and he won’t speak to me at all, which is understandable because the papers would have been really upsetting for him because I had to set out what i think is his unreasonable behaviour. Everything is awful.

I can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. All I want is a hug from him, or to just not wake up in the morning.

How do I do this?

[Anonymous]

Hey so confused.
Just to offer a few things.

This is a good thing that has happened that you were pushed (or jumped) to initiate divorce.

It is not normal or nice that he is not speaking to you as a resutl. It is a tried and tested technique with abusers, otherwise known as not being a grown up in that situation.

Being in the same house is an issue, and a problem.

Psychologically for you it is a problem as you stand very little chance of getting the space to think straight as long as he is there.

So I hope others will be along to advise on that one.

The questions are:

Can you ask him to leave?
Can you leave (with your kids?) phone Women’s aid and discuss.

Whatever which way, living with an abuser is only going to make your health worse.

Well done for posting

[soconfused2]

Thank you. He won’t leave and I don’t wnat to go down the court route because I’m too scared i won’t be believed, he’s accused me of abuse before so i think that is what would happen again. And I don’t want to make things worse. Especially for our children.

I am looking into whether I could leave the house. I would need to find somewhere where I could have the children and need to sort out finances. I need to look into this but i feel like i’m barely functioning so can’t seem to do it.

[KIP.]

Contact your local women’s aid who can support you with this.

[Julka]

Sweetie don’t be hard on yourself. You have done an amazing thing by filing, and it’s perfectly natural you have now started the grieving process. You are in need of comfort, but you are looking in the wrong places. Do you have a trusted friend you can see and pour your heart to? A family member?
Start planning your days one by one. Build something positive into each day. A nice walk. Quality time with your kids. Coffee in a nice cafe.
It’s going to sound like silly advice. I know and feel the pain you are feeling. The guilt. The obligation. The self doubt. He will not be reasonable with you and that’s not in his self interest. He wants to manipulate you into feeling s**t about what you’ve done and going back on it. That will give him a green light to treat you even worse.
You’ve chosen your path and there’s no going back. You didn’t snap. People don’t snap and file for divorce. How long have you been considering it? Did the thought pop into your head on Monday and you filed the day after? I doubt it. Stop doubting yourself. You deserve respect and care. Start giving it to yourself and others will follow suit.
You’ve got this. We are here to support you xx

[Author]

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