8th January 2019 at 9:27 pm #70352HelovesmehesaysParticipant
I’m still falling down the black hole 🙁 have had an awful few days.
Got called to the police station yesterday. His family have accused me of harrassment and a public order using threatening behaviour. Its all b******s, they have lied through their teeth. Fortunately the police officer knows exactly what has been happening, and i am not being charged. I had to go through the interview at the station though and it was awful.
Ex is on remand, has been for a fairly long time, case comes up soon. Family are making it worse for him.
Spoken to the officer on my case today, hes comong to take another statement as new evidence has been given. I just want this groundhog day to end.
I’ve finally started packing away all the wedding stuff i had dumped in my room (we cancelled it 2 weeks before we were due to get married, he hurt me for the first time the night of my hen do) my dress is on my bed, but i can’t pack it away. I’m not ready, but i know i have too.
I’m trying to not drink, i’ve resisted last few days, but brought wine tonight. Went for a walk, sat looking at the sea an didn’t open it. Got home and dress still there. I’ve opened it.
I am such a mess. I’ve been under the crisis team, have support from other agencys, tried to end it all, hurt myself an drank myself stupid.
I can’t stop loving him, wanting him. I miss him so much and this hurts so badly. I can’t contact him, i can’t contact his family (not that i want too, i’m just desperate for news of him) several mutual friends now cross the street to avoid me.
I just can’t do this anymore. I’m not strong enough.
I’m sorry for being such a f**k up, i don’t know where else to turn
8th January 2019 at 9:52 pm #70354TiffanyParticipant
You are so brave. I cancelled our wedding the day I was meant to book the venue. And that was hard. Leaving felt like losing a future. I can’t imagine doing it two weeks before the wedding, when that future would feel so much more immanent. I imagine that this feels like the end to you. It did to me. I couldn’t imagine another future.
Fortunately I couldn’t imagine giving up either. And once I was safely out from under the shadow of abuse there really was a future. Cancelling the wedding wasn’t the end. It was the beginning. And my life now is happier and infinitely more fulfilling than it ever would have been had I married my abuser.
Just take it day by day at the moment. Or hour by hour. Or even minute by minute. Only tackle what you are able to tackle. Everything else can wait. Do nice things for yourself. You deserve them. It will get better.
8th January 2019 at 10:20 pm #70355KIP.Participant
Just wanted to give you some support. I was taken to the police station too for false accusations. The police know who is to blame, they deal with these people all the time. They know who are victims. Still a frightening thing but good you’re giving a further statement. Just keep moving forward. It gets easier. Have you read about trauma bonding. The reality is how can you love someone who hurts you? It will get easier, just keep going x
8th January 2019 at 11:32 pm #70356SadnessParticipant
Hi helovesmehesays hope you are ok .So sorry this is happening to you all I can say is you are so brave for canceling and leaving him .Im stuck in a abusive marriage and I’m afraid to leave I haven’t the strength .You can do this don’t leave him win.Sending you a virtual Hug x*x
9th January 2019 at 12:08 am #70364IwantmebackParticipant
Oh my poor love, I feel your pain so much. Take your time to grieve your loss, join the world when you get some more strength. Baby steps for now. We’re always here to listen to you. Keep posting, don’t ever judge yourself, he’s done enough of that to last you a lifetime. It was extremely brave of you to cancel you’re wedding, better a cancelled wedding than a fight in the divorce courts.
Remember love, baby steps fir now. Ending a relationship is very like a bereavement, there are certain stages we have to get through before things get easier. Take your time, you’ll find your own way in how to deal with this.
9th January 2019 at 6:42 pm #70411EbonyRavenParticipant
You really have had a few days, no wonder you opened a bottle of wine. You obviously have such inner strength to have got through all that.
Can you get the wedding dress altered to make it into another sort of dress maybe, take back its meaning and associate it with a happy memory?
It will get easier over time. Treat yourself to some self care, you deserve it.
9th January 2019 at 7:38 pm #70415PopilolParticipant
It’s so hard and I can empathise with you completely. I had to cancel my wedding too. It was so hard and so final. Had all these big plans and I actually felt so happy about starting a new life as a Mrs. I still havent cancelled the honeymoon. I feel so empty and I’m sure he doesn’t care one bit.
It does get easier. Take each day as it comes and don’t be hard on yourself when you have blips along the way, it’s normal and we all have them. I put on a brave face and say that I’m ok and I’m over it… the truth is, I don’t think I will ever be over it. I still love the nice him, just hate the drunk abusive him
12th January 2019 at 7:48 pm #70577HelovesmehesaysParticipant
Thank you all for your support. I’m not having a great day. Trying to find distractions but i’m sat in my room listening to stupid soppy music!
I’m missing him so much. I can’t even talk to him. I want the man i fell in love with back 😔
13th January 2019 at 9:45 am #70605KIP.Participant
This will pass if you just give it time. The man you fell in love with doesn’t exist. He’s fake. It’s the fake him that reels us in. Then the mask slips and his true self is revealed. The true him is a selfish self serving individual who only cares about himself. Hang in there, it will get easier x
13th January 2019 at 10:02 am #70606IwantmebackParticipant
I just want to let you know that you can do this, I can’t even listen to any soppy music now at all. Heard Snow Patrol on tv on McIntyre’s show, and one of their really popular ones came on and I was literally ready to disintegrate in front of him. It NEVER made me cry before. Some people liken the breakdown of our relationship to a death in the family. Allow yoursekf time to grieve your loss, allow yourself time to be angry. It will pass, it has to else we’d all be unable to function totally.
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