i cant ever afford to let my guard down when it comes to him

[diymum@1]

I have an appointment coming up to see the GP with regards to counselling. I know what I need specifically- trauma therapy and CAT I think its time to address my worst phobia – abandonment. I know this stems from my childhood too. I want to be able to be really open about everything BUT I know from experience all of our thoughts and feeling are taken down for all professionals to share – including court. I desperately need this but I will be scared to say anything incriminating incase I ever had to fight for custody again. When ive gone to the GP I have only ever told them what I would want to be repeated and would give my consent to do so. Im not sure if I should hold off until I am no longer looking over my shoulder because I know these men do rear they ugly heads and that they never truly give up. all depending on how well their lives are going xxxx not sure how to approach this x much love diymum

[fizzylem]

Hey DM, you sound really anxious and worried. Do you definately have to go through the GP? In England we no longer have to do this, the GP doesnt need to make a referral. You could call your surgery and ask which NHS providers are reccomended for talking therapy – then call them direct / self refer or google ‘nhs talking therapies and your area’

Just keep it short and sweet with the GP if you do go down this route; but I can’t see how this would look like anything but you attending to your mental health and well being / self care.

We’re v similar hey in that we worry he will try to use anything he can against us as history has taught us this hey.

You could keep it totes private and see if there are any charities you could access?

If you go down NHS route, the therpist will keep notes on your MR, but you can request they make this note say ‘attended only’ – see if the therapist is willing to do this at the assessment.

I get it, I do, you know I do, I went to a womens charity for this very reason – to keep it all private – so I have the choice regarding whether I share this info or not.

So pleased you have recognised the connection between the abandonment you felt as a child and how this left you open to exploitation with your abuser; resolve these feelings, work towards feeling ok about what happened, and you will never again feel vulnerable here hey – it just wont happen.

The type of therapy you need is not important; you need to find someone with ‘experience’in the issues that bring you, find someone you feel you want to work with, like, is credible, that you feel after the first session may be able to help. Read the BACP guide on how to choose your therpist and make sure these questions are answered in your first assessment.

There can be a tendancy to rush through this in the NHS, so make sure you slow it down and get your qs answered – feel ‘completely’ signed up each step of the way. Like with all of our support, sometimes it can take a few attempts to get the right person for the job. I know youre eager to heal, but dont ‘hope’ this therpist will help, take your time and make sure you feel pretty confident that you are in the right place xx

[AlwaysSorry]

I wish I had known these things when I had counselling some years ago. That was through my GP as things were so bad at home at the time that my GP said I was depressed. But on the very first therapy session I was told that if I said anything about being in danger or danger to others, she would have to report it. She kept saying that she could feel things weren’t right between me and my partner, but I never told her because she had said she would report it. Instead I told her that my partner thought I was jealous and I wanted help with not being jealous. I never told her why I was jealous either. I wish I had known I could have asked to keep it out of my medical records. I might have been honest with her then.

I hope you can get the counselling you need without having to wait until such a time where it won’t backfire on you. You deserve all the help you can get and it’s really not right that in order to get help, you would have to wait. It’s so wrong that it’s like this, so unfair. I think it’s really brave of you to want to get help, and I think you have gotten some really good advice from FL. I hope it works out okay, let us know how it goes x

[HopeLifeJoy]

You’ll probably have to take a leap of faith. Make a choice to be prudent when talking to someone or select carefully or choose to go for it, decide that talking without filter could help you become stronger and deal with whatever comes your way in the future.
In any case you volonteering to talk through your trauma shows already great strength 👍

[fizzylem]

Exactly! You nee to feel totlly free to talk – openly – no filter – or it simply won’t work – so get these boxes ticked first x

[Twisted Sister]

Dear DIYmum@1

I also get you! I really do.

Its very real the damage they do, and the very real fear, and always having to keep that in mind.

There are therapies that work on building your confidence, and dealing with triggers, you culd ask for that. They dont need your ‘story’, its about growing in strength and being in touch wth our own experience, believing ourselves, suporting and validating our own experiences without reliance on others.

All the things that being on this forum help with.

Have you been through FP and next steps wa courses too?

Remember, abusers hone in on everyones’ weaknesses, we all have them. This is not in you, whatever happened in your childhood.

We’ve all had some rubbish experiences and those that havent particularly still have emotions and can be abused through manipulation and fear.

Warmest wishes

TS

[Twisted Sister]

*This is not on you

[Author]

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