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    • #93074
      savingthestars
      Participant

      I contacted my ex about getting kids back because situation is affecting them, and his answer was that he didn’t know what we can discuss. I am not sure what to reply with, but I do feel it showed that he is not willing to change situation without any issues.

    • #93075
      KIP.
      Participant

      He’s not willing to do anything without any issues. If you are genuinely concerned about their welfare then you can ask the police to do a welfare check. Maybe that threat will get him to bring them back.

    • #93080
      diymum@1
      Participant

      Do you have 50/50 contact arrangements? Xx

    • #93112
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Do you mean the kids haven’t seen him? Want contact? If so he could claim you’ve caused the children emotional distress at some point if this goes to court, so you’ve covered your a*s by sending the message asking if something can be arranged for them yes? If he’s not bothered about seeing them, any evidence you can get for this would be good.

      Its a difficult situation to manage for sure when the relationship has broken down completely and no arrangements are already in place. Trying to keep things normal for them when all hell has broken loose.

      If this were me I’d try to think what do the children want / need here and then I’d try to take action to get this – with evidence and support. So for me, it was making an appointment at a mediation agency that could provide seperate rooms for the mediation.

      You could contact NSPCC or Barnardos to see whether they can help and support the children with this? They tend to offer a better service than local government agencies and can respond a lot sooner.

      I would maybe send him a letter recorded delivery and signed for – stating that the children would like to see you, can you contact X as she/he is willing to be the third party needed to help us get their time with dad sorted.

      If its already been to court then I’d be inclined to do what the kids need here and take it back to court; obs you’ll need evidence that the situation isn’t working for them and this isnt just an adjustment period after court. The time they see their dad should work for them, and be fun and relaxing – they have a right for it to be this way x

    • #93206
      savingthestars
      Participant

      No. We are under 50/50. Basically he went to court out of revenge and gaslighted me – I have a book which is VERY helpful “gaslighting: how to recognise manipulative and emotionally abusive people and break free” – the children have mostly lived their lives with me, because when social said I was unfit he used me as a babysitter, while saying I was unfit. Of course, due to this my mental health was affected and he could say “I told you so”. Behind the scenes he said that he was trying to get my kids back to me, and that he wasn’t giving them back because I chose them. If I wanted them back then I would do as he wanted.

      Recently I tried being reasonable and say this is affecting the kids can we make an agreement about them coming home. I have previously told him I am only using that email address about the kids, so due to my reply I am guessing, if I want them back I will have to do something that doesn’t relate to them or their welfare. This is from Mr “ive changed”

    • #93486
      KIP.
      Participant

      Have you tried the grey rock method. If you completely ignore him, he doesn’t get any satisfaction from seeing your distress. Do not engage with him just keep a journal of his behaviour and how it affects the kids. Build a legal case to get the kids back. Do you have support from women’s aid?

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