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Yes I finally found courage to leave & thanks to the amazing police me & my babies are safe & sound in a lovely refuge. I’m still going through emotions but seeing my babies settling so well is so assuring that I did well by them. I hope all you lovely strong ladies out there can also find courage to leave too. I know it’s not easy but I pray you’ll find your way out too.
I’m just amazed at so much help & support I received & I’m kicking myself for being so scared of SS & there was nothing to fear really.
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Well done StrengthfromAbove,
You are so brave. I wish I could have done what you have done when my kids were babies. I stayed the 2 decades my children were growing up and they were put through all that trauma (as was I) and emotional pain.
So very well done. Keep posting for support. And trust that the Man Above will be looking after you in these days.
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Well done to you lovely lady. SO good to hear that you had a positive experience with SS and the police. I too am petrified of them becoming involved, they have never been and my babies have never been hurt but for some reason I am so scared someone will take them away from me. Probably because he tells them and everyone else what a terrible mother I am. I wish you all the happiness in the world x*x
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Thank you all for your supportive words. I kept myself busy today trying to sort the kids clothes & make this place as homely as possible. It’s a self contained unit which makes all the difference.
She-ra I hope you find strength to leave. As have already closed my case because I removed my babies from the horrible situation.
Love of no contact I’m sorry you & your babies had to endure for that long but at the end you finally did it. Xx
I appreciate you all for taking your time to respond as it’s still early days and I’m so worried because I don’t know what he’s next move will be regarding the kids but so far I have stayed no contact & he has sent some of his friends to contact me through FB which I have decided to deactivate for now.
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Well done strength from above x*x she-ra I am in a controlled relationship (well cant call it a relationship really as its all one sided) I have stuck it out for my children but now thanx to my friends, family and women’s aid my eyes have finally been opened.I wasn’t sure at first whether it was domestic abuse as he have only hit me once (but we was fighting i had hit him back) but it is the mental abuse eg I am fat,lazy,got no friends,I am a bad mother, no one likes me, everyone is talking about me, I start all the arguments, I will never have my kids if I am not with him as he will make sure he will have full custody etc etc with that his cunning plan was to start arguments and rung the police on me twice but I got to say the police was marvellous.I am looking for a house to rent (as we got joint mortgage and he wont leave) at the moment he doesn’t know this as I have tried to talk to him when children aint here as I don’t want nastiness for the children’s sake but he is making me feel guilty and it is all my fault and he hasn’t done anything
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Hey strength, I came off all social media and never went back on. If your kids are old enough to be on it I would do the same for them meantime. Try not to worry and take advantage of all the legal help on offer at the refuge. It’s a great thing Women’s Aid are doing. Hang in there. Life is so much better when we are free from abuse. It’s a real roller coaster ride but you are making a better life for you and your children x
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Yes StrengthfromAbove! I am so pleased for you! You are so strong and you have done the right thing. I hope you and your babies can get some rest now and enjoy the peace. Take care of yourself and well done and good decision on deactivating your Facebook, keep strong and don’t go back on to check (I deactivated but found myself logging back on, which just made things worse).
Sending you all the best wishes and love <3 x*x
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Hi Enafadov, thanks for asking of me. I’m still in a refuge & the kids have settled very well. However, I’m in limbo when it comes to housing. I feel I’m not being listened to. I’m just beginning to regret leaving.
Starryeyed thanks even though it may have took long to acknowledge your support. I appreciate you all but didn’t know that it would be this way
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Hi SFA, I have read your story and I’m so glad you’re now at safety.
I would assume it’s a very unsettling time, I may well be in the same situation soon – if the refuge/WA get back to me to help plan a route out.
Are you supposed to get on the housing register straight away once you’re in a refuge? I’ve read conflicting stuff online. It seems to me that DV escapees aren’t as much of a priority to be housed as I thought.
Please don’t regret leaving, you are in the best place and you’ll have a home again one day x
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Hi Brokenputty, thanks for words of encouragement but to be honest I’m feeling so low & lack of support from my key worker is just disheartening. I also call the council where I want to & asked why I have been awarded this band, especially since that I’m in a refuge. I was then told “being in a refuge does not necessarily give you priority banding”. I was then told my application my key worker did was for rehousing & not homelessness. Anyone experienced this?
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I was told to put homeless on my application by the council, I don’t know why your case worker didn’t.
I didn’t go down that route in the end, I decided to tough it out at the marital home, but it’s really hard sometimes. I guess which ever route you choose it’s hard going.
At least you and your babies are away from the abuse, just keep pushing and asking for help from WA, citizens advice bureau or phone rights for women to get advice and support.
Good luck ❤️ -
Hi Strength,
I think you need to confirm to them that without the refuge, you would be homeless due to domestic abuse so get them to change it or do a new application considering you homeless. I’d also ask to speak to the manager as it doesn’t sound right at all, how can they not give you housing given that you are fleeing domestic abuse and are now having to live in a refuge, if that isn’t a priority then I have no idea what is. Get advice from CAB too and Victim Support, it might just be some box on the form wasn’t ticked and the people at the council are being jobsworths about it.
When I was applying for housing benefit they lost my information but blamed me for it in letters and a woman was very rude to me in their office blaming me for them not having my information. I returned to speak to someone else who then discovered it was their mistake, she found my documents then sheepishly resolved it (no apology of course). I think they deal with a lot of angry people and don’t get much training so can be a mixed bunch of people but you just have to fight for what you are entitled to.
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Thanks FF & SRF, unfortunately the council has emailed back stating that because I have no connection to the area they will not give us priority. I’m so stressed, my emotions are all over the place. When I left my home, I thought there would be so much help but I guess in reality it’s all so different. I mean how can they give us the last banding.
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Re suggested book by Lundy Bancroft
for me personally reading a book about domestic abuse would certainly not lift my spirits or help in any way
I want to forget about it
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Hi, appeal the decision and tell them the whole point is that you have no connection to the area. Therefore making it the safest option and that you need to move to an areas with no previous connection for your own safety and that of your children. Emphasise the importance of having no connection and no chance of bumping into him or anyone who knows him or you. Good luck and don’t give up. It’s your safety that’s foremost x
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