This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Coolbreeze 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #97011
     Coolbreeze 
    Participant

    Hi everyone
    It’s been a difficult week for me and I hope you’ll let me share. After the relief of finally him gone from my home, I still have to see him when he comes back to make sure he removes only his stuff. I’m dreading it and realise I have to have another person there because I will not be able to stop him from taking something he thinks was his. He’s a coward basically so he will not try anything if there’s a witness. He’s so deluded he actually thinks it’s ok that he’s going to be in my home again.
    I have tried to be polite arranging this with him and there is another issue we need to agree on which does not have to be done face to face at all but no, he wants to meet to discuss. It’s so hard not being able to tell him straight I never want to see him again! Like I said he’s deluded. I just know he’s going to make it as difficult as possible for me without even knowing it.
    Every time I have to contact him, it fills me with anxiety but I need to sort as much as possible out before solicitors get involved and have to keep the legal costs down (of course he won’t pay any).
    Thanks for listening.

  • #97015
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hi there. You absolutely do not have to see him again. I’d pack all his belongings myself and dump them at a your friends house then tell him to collect them there. I’d tell him if he turns up at your home you will ring the police. And any communication can be done through a third party. Give him the name of your solicitor. There will be no negotiation and the sole purpose for him now is to force you to meet him so that he can continue his abuse. Save yourself from that repeated trauma and go zero contact and use a friend or family member for communication.

  • #97016
     Coolbreeze 
    Participant

    Thank you for your advice, it really makes sense. I was happiest when I had zero contact.

  • #97072
     Lisa 
    Main Moderator

    Hi there Coolbreeze, if it would be beneficial for you to access some free legal advice you might like to contact Rights of Women. They are very experienced around domestic abuse, they have a family law advice line and a wealth of information at their website.

    Best wishes

    Lisa

  • #97093
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    This is sound advice if you meet him it might be to hoover you back with the intention to keep messing with you. With an abuser politeness goes out the window. You need to take care of number one now YOU ❤️💪- you cant reason with an abuser so I wouldn’t try. I can guaranteed he will upset u retraumatise you it’s now worth it. Do this all through other people S long as he gets his stuff. Your gut reaction is screaming at you to not go and that’s for good reason xx 😘

  • #97156
     Coolbreeze 
    Participant

    Thank you! I’m still at the point where I’m processing the fact that everything he did or said was almost certainly a half truth at best and always to benefit himself first. I started to feel used but wasn’t allowed to show any kind of anger or resentment and yet he expected me and everyone else around to be models of reason and politeness. And of course if he was angry, that was just fine because it was my fault.
    I will call that number for Rights of Women.
    Thanks again

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