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    • #145685
      Snakering
      Participant

      I don’t know what kind of situation I’m in? I just know that I am stuck in this marriage. I am Asian and have two children with my previous partner. My husband is British, we worked together in (detail removed by moderator) then he married me, he stopped working. I am currently in the UK on a (detail removed by moderator) with 2 young children attending school. During the past (detail removed by moderator), he did not work, just stayed at home and the income in the family was due to me. He always said that he needed to take care of his children at the age of (detail removed by moderator), but now they go to school all day. He also doesn’t work. I gradually accepted. But this makes him sometimes reprimand my job because I work a lot… because I have my own business… I haven’t been going anywhere for three years, I work against time zones, so from (detail removed by moderator) I work online until (detail removed by moderator). I cook dinner and spend with my family every day…

      Every time there was a quarrel, he was silent, silent for many days. for me this is a terror because I can’t work when I’m sad, but I can’t help but work because all the family expenses are earned by me…

      I have been going to school for a year now to integrate into life, I work hard because I want to take care of my family because we don’t have a home yet. He has nothing even though he is (detail removed by moderator) years old, I am worried about my children’s future so I try to work. I once said, let’s buy a car, you should (detail removed by moderator), he said “(detail removed by moderator)”). I don’t understand anything, it’s just work.

      This time we have been arguing for a week, as usual it will be the dreaded silence, it makes me lose sleep, headache and can’t work. I have been crying a lot. I am afraid that if the UK cancels my visa, I will have to leave the UK and my children will have an impact on their studies. I had to give up everything to stay here because of Covid, 2 years ago there was no return flight. Now, if I change again, will it be too much for my children?
      I am in pain and confused….

    • #145743
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Dear Snakering,

      Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum.

      What you’re explaining is psychological abuse, coercive control and financial abuse. Him not talking to you for days is the silent treatment and is an abusive tactic used to hold the control and keep you walking on eggshells.

      It is not uncommon for abusers to use a woman’s immigration status to retain power and control; whilst I understand your fears around this, you do not have to be trapped by this, there is help available and you do have options. Regarding this specifically I would suggest contacting the Rights of Women’s Immigration and Asylum Law Line on 0207 490 7689 for free and confidential legal advice (please see their website for opening hours).

      For general support regarding your situation please have a think about using our Women’s Aid Live Chat service to talk to a support worker in confidence, they will not tell you what to do but they can give support, practical information, and discuss with you any options that are available based on your specific circumstances.

      Also, you could contact your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support.

      Keep posting to let us know how you are,

      Lisa

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