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I’m newly free.
My ex is a recovering alcoholic and all the abuse since detox is is around relapses. Last time recently when he assaulted me, for which the police propose to charge him.
He’s back at his mum’s and I’ve been trying to pack up some of his stuff today. But I miss him so much. And I miss our dog. I just feel so bad I don’t know what to do with myself. We’d come so far; he’d started voluntary work with a view to going back to paid work and we’d talked so much about the future. Now it’s in ashes.
Does anyone else have experience of alcoholism? It really is a terrible thing.
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Im sorry to keep posting. Im just desperate
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Hey. Keep posting as much as you need. This is the purpose of the forum 🙂
Mine used to be addicted to weed and when he switched tosom e other kind of weed which was “lighter” his abuse got much worse so I used to think maybe it was too light to calm him down. As only once he smoked or while he was smoking, it seemed he used to come to his senses and he used to able to listen to me.
I know you miss him. It is so natural to grieve the relationship because when you fell in love with him you expected a future with him. So you have to grieve those expectations and let them go. And that is a process. The mind tends to remember the good bits.And it is normal. It will get better with time and no contact. You probably are aware of the concept (and if not google it) trauma bond. It explains why we love the abuser, why it is so hard to leave and why it is actually harder to leave than non-abusive relationship. For me it was quite helpful to have my feelings explained. -
Hi Landy, well done for still being away from him. My husband came from an alcoholic family, he gave it up decades ago, blessing for me, cos this relationship could have been even worse. If you can look at it,in the way that its good he’s done that, but it’s fir himself, his benefit, not yours. We as individuals are responsible fir our own lives(take out the abuser in this just now), only those who try to control others say they do such and such fir another’s benefit. You’re missing the nice man, not three monster. It’s very easy and unthinkable how quickly we forget how their behaviour affected us. You’re doing so well, it’s thete no one you can have round to help pack up his things. If there is, all them round, just mind to not tear anything or damage any of his stuff, as that could go against you. Good luck, in packing up his things, stay strong my friend, you’re doing really well. 💜💜
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My ex was / is an alcoholic…functioning & charming (Would work but still manage to drink 8 – 10 cans a night, more on days off), on reflection he was addicted to porn, sex, weed…addiction is horrible. I wanted to blame his addiction but…How many addicts don’t abuse people? How could he control it around others? Abusive relationships are traumatic – it’s a rollercoaster of emotions. Allow yourself to grieve, be kind to yourself x
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My oh is an alcoholic. He’s given it up and relapsed over and over again, to the point of stealing money from me to buy alcohol, risking the roof over our heads.
Never any real remorse, and he’s never once given up for himself, always saying he’s doing it for me. He’s never going to give it up unless he decides to do it to help himself.
I’ve found empty cans and bottles hidden all over the house so many times. Yes, it really is horrible, and when you add abusive tendencies into the mix, it is so much worse. -
I do sometimes wonder if he abuses me because he’s an alcoholic or if he has those tendencies anyway.
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A friend sent me this, which I love…..
You did the best you could do. But he had to do it for himself. He made you think you were the reason he couldn’t, but you were the reason he should have.
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