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    • #169595
      Alohamontgomery
      Participant

      I left an abusive relationship (detail removed by moderator) but am still living in the same house as him. He is very manipulative and n**********c, he follows me everywhere and gets angry when I try to make decisions that benefit me, he even makes me sleep in the same bed as him still! I can’t afford to leave because I pay all the bills here and he won’t help me pay. I need to get out of here before it depresses me more but I don’t know how or what to do. Please advice

    • #169607
      Allornothing
      Participant

      Hi @Alohamontgomery, I think a lot of people stay for financial reasons, I certainly did until one day something clicked and I called the police. I left with my things in black bags and booked myself into a hotel. I spoke to Women’s Aid Centre who advised me what department to speak to at the council and what to say and the following day they had me in emergency accommodation for a week, then in temporary accommodation for (detail removed by Moderator) months and now I am in permanent accommodation. It wasn’t easy, I don’t know if you have a mortgage or rent but it is not worth staying due to your financial situation, you can make it work and you will surprise yourself! If you haven’t already, start seeking advice which in turn will make you stronger as you are being heard!

      You have done the first part by separating, I hope you get yourself out 🙂 xx

    • #169613
      Sad and alone
      Participant

      If you’re still living in the same house you haven’t really left him, as in there is still contact and connection between you both. This must be insanely difficult to navigate trying to focus on yourself whilst still having commentary from him about what you should or shouldn’t be doing etc. Can you refuse to sleep in the same bed? Is there another room or a even a sofa you can use? It sounds like he doesn’t believe you have separated at all.
      Do you both own the property? Would definitely look into getting some advice. Try a live chat on the women’s aid main page, they should be able to give a you some direction on who could help advise you the best thing to do.
      Take care and keep going. You can free yourself of what is making you so sad and miserable. You deserve happiness xx

    • #169732
      Alohamontgomery
      Participant

      A little more context. He follows me everywhere, like if I go to the bathroom he will sit in the doorway! I tried to sleep on the couch but he forced himself on there too. It is rental but he royally screwed me on this one, I pay all the bills and we will not help. So I can’t even save up to escape because I’m constantly in my overdraft. My boss hired him too so I don’t even get that little bit of privacy! Child B doesn’t understand or doesn’t want to hear so I can either leave them behind or stay, this is how it feels.

    • #169734
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Contact your local housing team, explain you’re trying to leave domestic abuse and they should offer you guidance. I’m never sure if you need to evidence it (like having contacted the police or a support agency) but you may be eligible to be considered as homeless even though you live together, and will be a higher banding for applying for homes. If he’s following you to an extreme level then consider contacting the police or getting a non-molestation order to secure your safety.

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