Tagged: Women over 50
26th October 2020 at 6:10 pm #115669EbrunnerParticipant
I’m really just looking for some understanding. I have been apart from my husband for a few weeks now and I’m confused because I thought I would feel better once I had made my escape but I’m feeling so emotional and miserable, crying a lot. I think maybe I’m suffering from depression. For so many years I hoped that my time would come and I could start my life afresh, I never imagined I would feel grief, guilt and so many other emotions all mixed up. In fact, if anything, I’ve just felt emotionally detached and flat. Life isn’t turning out to be the bed of roses I thought it would. I can’t believe, after all the years of abuse, I’m feeling sorry for my husband!
26th October 2020 at 6:31 pm #115670
Take a look at the book Healing From Hidden Abuse. As humans we crave what is normal to us and your normal for years has been abuse. It’s like breaking a drug habit so it’s going to be really difficult with withdrawal symptoms in the beginning. Our abusers brainwash us using guilt so it’s no wonder you feel that way. Just take baby steps and be very kind to yourself. Remember the woman you were before you became a victim of abuse. She’s still there x
26th October 2020 at 6:55 pm #115671beachhutParticipant
I just wanted to let you know your not alone feeling the way you do. I am in the same situation, I wonder if I did the right thing on days like this, it is hard to explain to people who have not been there and all the good words and advice really don’t help sometimes. It would be so easy to call and get him to come and get me, I know I won’t and I can’t but the feeling of being alone can be all consuming.
I know I have been of no use but I do understand.
Take good care of you.
26th October 2020 at 7:00 pm #115674
You won’t always feel this way. Surviving survival is difficult but you will get there. Just keep moving forwards x
30th October 2020 at 8:18 pm #115843CamelParticipant
I’ve been offline for a while so first let me send you massive congratulations on getting out. Remember how hard it was for you to get to where you are now? Hang on to that in these very early days, especially when you’re wondering if you’ve done the right thing.
I’m sure most survivors will agree with me that it takes much longer than we think it should before we can declare ‘I’m back!’ Even then there will be setbacks – days when we’re angry with ourselves, disappointed with others, generally let down and forgotten.
How you’re feeling now is perfectly normal, especially considering how covid makes even the smallest thing more difficult to deal with. Be kind to yourself. You may be depressed and that’s normal too. See your GP to determine whether you’re clinically depressed or simply sad.
I think as human beings we always think everything will be better…when we lose the weight…when we get implants or a nose job…when we get that promotion…when we go on that dream vacation. Unfortunately the reality rarely measures up. Because in our heads we’re still the same flabby, flat-chested, big nosed loser who got food poisoning from the hotel buffet.
When we escape abuse we’re not instantly transformed into independent, confident and assertive women. In our heads we’re still downtrodden, belittled, vulnerable. Our brains are affected by abuse, without a doubt, so we all have to work on putting everything back in the right place. For me, reading lots and lots on the internet helped me. It’s what finally led me here. You need to find what works for you. Whatever you do, do it instead of fretting about how your ex is coping.
2nd November 2020 at 3:01 am #115908MistiParticipant
It was (detail removed by moderator) that I phoned the police after he had hit me and I’ve not seen him again. I’ve fled from the house. Made myself homeless. Living at my sons and in debt as he used my credit. And I’m still feeling sorry for him. I’m also crying all the time. Can’t sleep so got some anti depressants from the doctors. (Detail removed by moderator) I left an (detail removed by moderator) abusive marriage and on the rebound jumped into a new relationship. He said he would never hit or touch a woman. I feel so stupid and like I have let everyone down. Myself my kids. Do I have punch me on my forehead.
2nd November 2020 at 5:44 am #115913
Hi Misti, is there any way you can have him removed from your home. Have you had legal advice about an occupation order? Talk to your local women’s aid and see if they can help with support and legal advice. Rights of Women have a free legal helpline And website. Channel that anger into getting him out and convicted and help accountable
2nd November 2020 at 8:23 am #115917EbrunnerParticipant
Good Morning all
I haven’t been checking in on the forum as much lately but when I do I see all the responses from all you lovely caring ladies, amazing 😘!! Thank you.
I must admit, there were times when I really thought I wouldn’t have the strength or courage to walk away from my marriage after so many years of being abused and downtrodden, but here I am, nearly (detail removed by moderator) on and slowly but surely making progress.
I still don’t have all the answers and I still suffer from anxiety but I’m starting to get little glimpses of a happier life, living it on my own terms and not dictated by someone else. I’ve still got a long way to go but I’ve taken the very first step.
Thank you all for all your valuable advice and support, I have learned so much from you and I’m truly grateful.
I know I will still have moments of doubt and indecision, confusion, but I have such a good support team behind me right here on this forum which I’m sure will be invaluable in the months and years ahead.
Misti, I’m really sorry for what you’ve been through and are currently going through. I hope that you’re able to find the help and support you need to get you through it. Women’s Aid has been a life saver for me as everyone understands exactly how you feel and that what you’re experiencing is totally normal.
Lots of love
4th November 2020 at 8:46 pm #116000CamelParticipant
It’s so good to hear from you! x
I’m happy too that you’re happy. ‘Little glimpses’ … they’re golden x
7th November 2020 at 10:21 am #116079MistiParticipant
Thankyou. It’s (detail removed by Moderator) today since the police took him out in handcuffs. I am proud of myself for not putting up with it this time. (As I stayed (detail removed by Moderator) years in my last marriage with an abusive man. )
But I still love him and feel sorry for him. My emotions are all over the place too. Just 1 day at a time and keep going. This is really helpful just to know I’m not on my own. I just can’t stop crying but I know it’s better to get it out. I will use victim support. Thankyou xx
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