i don't understand

[CutieSunshine]

I don’t understand why when you leave these abusive partners , that you feel so heartbroken. I was with him (detail removed by Moderator) years and he hit me , Made me cry everyday, constantly told me how ugly fat and useless I was and was never nice to me but now I am free of him I feel this great emptiness like his the only one who can make me feel better even when he was never affectionate to me . It’s really hard to control my emotions too and I don’t understand why it hurts this much. I literally feel so heartbroken everyday I wake up dry reaching and I have tightness in my chest . I just think to myself he took advantage of my loving caring nature and now I am the one suffering.

[KIP.]

Hello there. I felt exactly the same. It’s because as human beings we crave what is ‘normal’ to us. Even if it’s dysfunctional and abusive. But these feelings will pass in time. Also, Google ‘trauma bonding’ in domestic abuse. You’re going to feel like a roller coaster but it will get better. It just takes time. Keep posting for support. I couldn’t have go this far without the support on here x stay strong. Leaving an abuser is like breaking a bad drug habit. Takes time and as much help as you can get. Call the helpline for help too x

[Savingmyself]

Hi Hun
I am so glad your away from him he sounds vile
It’s your time now to take care of you and realise how beautiful you are inside and out
He sounds like he was talking about him self its called projection
Your are amazing for getting out as they do not change
Big hugs xx

[CutieSunshine]

Thank you for your advice. I will look on google now about trauma bonding in domestic abuse . I am glad I joined as doctors and other professionals do not understand how I feel they just say you are depressed and read self help books. I felt like I had no where too turn. Thanks for the replies x*x

[Savingmyself]

Hi Hun also look up pychopathfree you will see your abuser there
You are not depressed you have been badly abused
Big hugs xx

[CutieSunshine]

Thank you. I just found this on the trauma bonding. It is starting to make sense now :
You are always stronger than your abuser. You have the ability to leave, at any time. Getting out is hard, but not impossible. You can help yourself by recognising that it is not love that’s pulling you back – rather, it’s a powerful emotional attachment that he created as a direct result of his abuse. The avalanche of emotions that you feel are normal. You are not crazy or weak because you feel that tug on the trauma-bond. In time, the bond will weaken – and working on your own recovery can help this process along.

[Confused123]

hi hun

u have received lovely replies which is what i would of said, glad to hear u feeling stronger,post as much as u need to

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