I feel broken

[BabyBird]

It has been a number of months since I left, I still feel constantly worthless, ashamed, scared, guilty and so many other things. Some days are okay but others I am so anxious my body physically hurts. I can’t get the thoughts of all the things he said and did to me out of my head, it was such an inhuman way to treat a person. The police have built a case against him and (detail removed by moderator) which even makes me feel guilty but then other days I think about how the way I feel and it feels like a life sentence. I have always been such an independent person and he has stripped me of that, I feel so broken. Why did he treat me so horrendously and why did I let it happen to me ? I love him so much and he has ruined my life and stripped me of everything that made me, me. Today refuge called me and I ended up sobbing down the phone for an hour telling the poor lady all the things he did to me. Sometimes the only thing that makes me feel better is just talking about it but then I feel crazy for not being over it. I feel so alone and like no one understands.

[Lisa]

Hi Babybird,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. what you have been through is a trauma and its understandable this is still impacting on you- there is no timeline for recovering from trauma and its important you are able to feel safe again.

You did not let anything happen- none of this is your fault- he knew what he was doing and he chose to be abusive. you are not responsible for that. As you mentioned how he treated you was inhuman and completely unacceptable- this is someone you offered your love to and it really hurts when someone betrays that in this way.

You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Manaloohan]

Hi baby bird x

(detail removed by moderator) relationship and have reached out for help today as I feel exactly the  same. Worthless, guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, scared for the future and stuck in this horrendous worthless hole.  Im quite numb at the minute but sending hugs to you and anyone feeling the same x stay strong x

[Author]

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