15th February 2020 at 12:09 am #97745CloverfieldParticipant
So I’ve been with the same partner for almost (detail removed by moderator) yrs. it started as a drunken mistake that I found myself repeating.. into a relationship. I tried to leave at first as he became clingy .. but he cried and begged me not to go. So I kept staying.
In short he became very jealous and controlling .. he became very violent – head butting me.. gritting his teeth & screamed words into my face. He kicked me, pushed me.. accused me of everything when I’d done nothing. I got pregnant almost within a few months making it harder to leave.
At times he was fine … but I gradually stopped wearing make up, skirts and stopped talking to men .. I eventually stopped meeting friends for coffee as everytime he would make it harder and harder – so one day I decided that I would just meet no one, for an easier life.
Over the years he has done nothing but tell me off like a child and even now if he takes me to the shop to buy some food he will mutter things as we walk round … telling me off as I go. Mostly for dawdling, being too slow.. not being like other mothers who are organised. It’s because it’s not in my nature he will say.
Here I am now … (detail removed by moderator) yrs on … I go to work and always come home as soon as I finish … If I get home later than half an hour he will question where I have been … or he will say ‘you’ve been a long time?’ .. I always call him so he knows I’m not up to no good ..if I don’t then he will question that too.
I never meet any friends .. I make his dinner every night which he will either be mad because it’s not cooked properly or mad because he assumes it’s going to be.. if it’s good then he is happy.
He does no housework – I pick up after him ..he tells me he works harder than me even tho I am full time too and I leave before him and I’m back after him..
We live with his dad ..but mostly confined to the bedroom and our daughter has hers .. we can go downstairs but his dad likes to sit in his chair and much like my partner selfishly watch what he wants.
If our daughter goes out and his dad too then it’s a written rule that I have to stay here – sometimes I have gone to go get milk and my partner turns sinister in his voice and makes every reason for me not to go … he would say ‘am I doing it on purpose?’ Going out just because his dad is going’ I say no and stay.. as I am told he will take me to get milk if I wait .. none of this makes sense as I am not mentioning everything .. something I don’t even know how to say.
I’ve realised that no one can help me .. no one but myself (and that’s not looking good) as I have stayed scared for (detail removed by moderator)yrs – now I see that he is manipulating me and using me and controlling every move I make – but it’s like it is all ok to me – I know it isn’t .. but I am fine with it .. (but I know I’m not)
I feel so crazy. I wonder if I make it all up in my head …
The last time I had the courage to ask to go out he threw a (detail removed by moderator) at my head when I returned ..& just because I didn’t msg him the few hours I was gone.
Since then I’m too scared or sick to the stomach to ask to go anywhere.
So I stay put. Whilst he sleeps .. plays online with his friends and to be at his beck and call..
Maybe I’m Being too harsh.
Maybe I am just so wrong. But I do know something isn’t right even tho at times it seems it.
I’m so Lost – I’ve never even ever loved him .. so I am just a huge coward. Still too afraid to hurt his feelings. When I know he maybe doesn’t care about mine.. but that’s me I can’t help it.
I know so many of you are so much worse off.. so I sound so lame .. I don’t get beaten everyday ..
I am not a drama queen but when I write this down it feels like it.
Thankyou for reading this .. this is my first post – i am totally new to all this.
15th February 2020 at 12:55 am #97748Moon in the skyParticipant
You are not a drama queen at all he is vile. Do you have any family. Parents siblings that you could tell them what is happening or you and your daughter could arrange to stay with you need support and you need to leave him you do not want your daughter to accept this is normal behaviour what if she was with a man that treated her like this because she thought that’s how a relationship work. It is so tough to leave them because of the guilt they put you in but you can’t live like that. Please try and put a plan together on how you can get out. And read as much of the posts on here and the replies as much as you can you will find that a lot of things posted will be very relatable to your situation so many times when someone posts and there is a reply on what to do or how to handle things you will be getting the knowledge and is so helpful and ask for advise all the time especially when you are doubting yourself because the reassurance is amazing and helps you see things so much clearer. or even to let off steam. Please also speak to your doctors and be honest with them i find it very hard to speak to ppl without breaking down into tears maybe when you do open up and explain to your doctors you could wright it down Incase you feel the words won’t come out. X*x
15th February 2020 at 1:25 am #97749CloverfieldParticipant
Thankyou so much, that’s a good start .. to read the posts..
It’s all complicated and so long a story I have no time to write too much .. I struggle to think of making a plan – I am scared for no reason but also so foggy.
Thankyou for your time to write – I’m gonna get reading, I will try anything to help me get out of this situation X
15th February 2020 at 9:25 pm #97800snowbuntingParticipant
You are brave to put this into words today, its a step towards a better place. A friend suggested a journal to me which really helped. A few notes when you feel like it. Being isolated so that you have no one else to confide in, knocks your self confidence to the ground. I hope you are able to speak to your GP and they may be able to organise some counselling for you too. Honestly I have experienced all sorts of abuse from my ex and being beaten is shocking when it happens, but that day in day out mentally abusive grinding down can be a lot worse. Please do not think anything you say is lame, living with an abusive controlling partner is gruelling and it takes every bit of strength just to function. Sending virtual hugs to you.x*x
16th February 2020 at 10:01 pm #97894HettyParticipant
I’m so sorry to read what you have been going through. No wonder you’re feeling so confused and foggy. Well done for telling your story. It’s the first step in moving on.
Could you take some time off work on the sly and go to your local domestic abuse service or confide in your boss. Get some support to gain clarity. You can get you and your daughter out. You don’t have to live this way. X
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