This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Fudgecake 1 week ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #86600
     Put the kettle on 
    Participant

    So my ex is claiming I was the abusive one, I’ve admited to what I have done in the relationship and because I’ve admitted and he’s denied I look like the abusive one. It wasn’t anything physical, I was doing something at his request that I didn’t know was wrong and now I feel so foolish and deceived. I’m so defeated and deflated by it all. Should have kept my mouth shut and not told of his abuse to me

  • #86605
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Now you know the games they play. Don’t get dragged back in. No experience is wasted if we learn from it x

  • #86615
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    They all tell us we’re abusive, God only knows why

  • #87762
     Teri 
    Participant

    My ex still does this all the time – and it’s been 10 years since I left. He sends me emails regularly telling me how messed up I am and how terrible my reputation is, but he never gives any specifics. When we were married I used to believe him and think that everyone was talking about how awful I was and that I needed him to protect me from myself and from everyone else’s low opinion of me. But I now know that he likes it all to sound threatening and scary – he actually enjoys it! – and he’s been very good at getting me to shrink back and cower in a corner of my life.

    Just keep telling yourself: he is not God, he is not your judge and jury, and he does not have the final say on what is reality or on what happened between you. Your memories and your opinions are all valid and just because you both disagree that does not mean he is right. Let him have his opinion and leave him to his bleating. The more you ignore him and remain certain in your own self-belief, the more others will gradually see him for what he is.

  • #87775
     Fudgecake 
    Participant

    As IWMB says, they all label us the abusive ones. I think they’re projecting their own self onto us. You may feel deflated but you certainly aren’t defeated. You’re stronger and he knows it. Don’t get sucked in by the games he plays, ignore him.

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