I feel I am geting mental toucher please advice me

[Rosemary]

Please help me ladys to understand this that my parnter goes on and on like a stuck record about different things and stress we have in our life I feel there no break lately of him going on about things it gives me a bad headache and I feel exhausted. It is okay in life to talk about things
But my partner goes on and on about them . I now there are some things his stressing about he cant
Handle worrys stress I think we all feel the same way in life when things get on top and get us down.but I just feel his giveing me mental toucher it’s like we talk about our children and a negative comment comes out about one of them .one of my children has said (detail removed by moderator) which is a nice thing but my parnter is judging her saying (detail removed by moderator) .how does he now that and what a thing to say about his own child I think it’s cute that my child is learning  (detail removed by moderator) but hereing
Negative comment from my partner it’s not nice at all it’s like puting the child down . My partner said to me (detail removed by moderator) . I feel this is abuse or am I just takeing this the wrong way . My head really hurts of my parnter going on and on and on this cant be normal can it ? I feel so tired of listening to him going on and on over the years . He can be quite but when he goes on I really get to now about it . I am here to listen to him but not get mental toucher from him because he cant deal with stress and worry. Life brings us all stress but I dont do what he does when going on and on about different things it makes me feel so weak to even tired to listen to him . I am with my children all the way what ever they what to do in life I will surport them and encourage them to active there goals in life .

[KIP.]

Abusers do not like to see us achieve. They like to keep us down. He’s doing the same now to his children. Instead of encouraging them. He will continue to torture you mentally as long as you’re with him because he simply enjoys it and it makes him feel good when you are stressed tortured and your head is spinning. Talk to your local women’s aid x we all won’t to support our partners but abuse is a one way street x

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angel …. Rosemary,
Unfortunately you cannot control what your partner is saying, you can only control the way you react to it. As hard as it may be try not to engage to much in what he is saying or divert the conversation in a different direction… or sometimes as we have to do just let him be right so you can move on to your own thoughts and don’t let it wind you up.
It is time for you to set a good strong example to your children in the way you act… lead by example so they can be empowered and grow up to be whatever they want to be… give them hope.
As this situation is effecting your children you need to start looking at a plan to move away from this man and the situation you are in.
Kip’s advice about talking to your local women’s aid is spot on … you need to start actioning an exit plan.
Continue to work on your self love and self worth and this will give you strength
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[Empoweredhealing]

Hi there, have you try “gray rock”. In cases where you can’t leave, gray rocking will at least save you from the mental torment of an abuser. It sounds like he’s doing a lot of “word salad”. My ex used to be so quiet around other people but with me, he wouldn’t shut up. Mostly talking a lot of negative nonsense and word salad. I didn’t have peace of mind until I learned to tune him out. You have to learn to not let them effect you so that you can think clearly about taking care of yourself and your children.

[Rosemary]

Hello Empoweredhealing

Could you please tell me what is gay Rock ? Sorry
I just dont understand is this a person or just a word of phrase?

Thank you for careing means alot to me

[Empoweredhealing]

Hi Rosemary, “gray rock” is a technique that you can use to Emotionally Distance yourself from an abuser. If you have access to Youtube, Dr. Ramani has very helpful videos on this. But here’s an excerpt of the definition

“act like a “gray rock,” meaning that you become uninteresting and unresponsive. Using the Gray Rock method, your objective is to make someone lose interest in you. You don’t feed their needs for drama or attention. You don’t show emotion, say anything interesting, or disclose any personal information. Nor do you ask questions or participate in conversations, except for brief factual replies. Limit your answers to a few syllables or a nod. Say “maybe” or “I don’t know.”

Be warned however that your abuser may temporarily escalate his abuse when you start doing this. Because they get so much emotional validation from getting you riled up, that when you stop responding , they will escalate to try to get the same reactions as before. If you are able to stick with it, they may eventually stop as the pay off is no longer there. It’s one way to protect yourself against their crazy making behavior.

[Rosemary]

Thank you Darcy for careing

At the moment it’s very hard for me to even communicate with people as I have not much space to even do this being on here I also have to be quick and very careful. Counsellor are really worked out with counselling many people out there as mental health has risen Jue to coronviras even thoe I’ve email my counsellor I’ve had no reply she must be very busy I will be haveing a phone call with her soon which I have booked this appointment which I will be on my own this is the only option I have . I cant chat to women aid long enuff because I feel nervous around my partner because he lives with me so it’s very difficult to even communicate with others and get advice as well .my counsellor is very good with me but I just cant get much time with her it’s very fustrateing. Thank you for your consern and advice i wish things were easy love .

I dont listen to my partner if I can help it I go on my own zone I dont take everything in he says because I now it’s not right he was saying . I am always here for my children they are very close to me just dont like my partner puting them down .the thing is he cant look in to the future. Like kip said it’s just a other way of trying to get me down .

[Darcy]

Stay strong my Angel… I totally understand about not having access to use the phone or the computer … it would have never been an option in my situation.
Keep doing your self love work, even if its just in your head while he’s talking… also start to put a protective bubble around you and teach your children to do the same so his negative comments cant penetrate into your aura.
Know that even if you cant log on we are all here supporting you. Do not put yourself at risk by being on the forum but stay in touch when you can.
Hopefully your counselor will be in touch soon, until then try and think of the skills and techniques she has already taught you to manage your situation, you are doing great.
As always sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

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