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I honestly don’t know which way is up today. He knows I think he has been abuse towards me and by his actions I feel like he has slowly been doing more around the house, has been doing loads with the kids etc. All the while I am working and studying so never have spare time, and the spare time I do have is spent cleaning and cooking etc.
After (detail removed by moderator) outburst where he wanted me to start paying “rent” he laughed when i said i do the lions share of the household stuff. He really thinks he does it all!
I’ve woken today so foggy headed and I don’t know which way is up. I am massively condensing this as lots was said. But I have woken today thinking I am the abusive one.
I’m so sick of feeling like this, why can’t I just get up and go!?
If my parents were still alive I probably would have been gone by now that’s for sure.Rant over x x
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Hi Overcome
Its understandable to feel like you are going crazy when he has changed his behaviour and then questions yours, it is however unlikely that he will be able to keep this up for very long.
It is also very difficult to just get up and go when you are feeling like you want to end the relationship for many reasons, so please don’t beat yourself up about that.
If you wanted to speak to the helpline on 0808 2000 247 to explore your options you can call anytime, just so you know what they are.Take care and keep posting
Lisa
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It appears to be what they do! I posted yesterday saying how I felt I was losing my mind and questioning if I was actually the abusive one as he keeps telling me! He tells me I’m controlling and All sorts when I could scream because it’s him him him!!!! I now barely see friends, moved away from them all and never go out other than to work or on the school run if not with him.
As for paying the rent comment that’s just typical of something I’ll probably get as it’s genuinely something I can imagine him saying and he seems to also think he is a full or shared participant in the house when in all reality all he does mostly is mope, swear, shout, smoke and moan about all he needs to do/all that is wrong. Followed by more moping and the cycle over again.
Someone said to me earlier to really listen to his words and then turn it around as his unconscious thoughts of how is he acting is being projected onto you. He knows what he is doing acting like he’s changed and letting it mess with your mind questioning now if it’s you. It’s not you. Like it’s not me either! X*x
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As you can see from my screen name, I fully understand you!
Right now, my life looks wonderful. He’s helpful and caring and actually, I do honestly believe him when he says he takes full responsibility for the mess he’s made (emotionally speaking), and that he wants to do whatever it takes to make things right. I believe that he means it, and I believe that he feels it to be true, but I also feel 99% certain that because he’s *trying* to be nice to me, it can’t last. Any act falls apart at some point. But then three seconds later, I’ll feel bad that he’s trying so hard and I’m doubting him. And then three seconds after that I feel guilty that there are women who would give anything for some peace and kindness, even if they knew it wasn’t going to last. And then I feel sad that this is my life. And then I feel……..on, and on, and on, and on.
My only advice (and I’m really not one to give advice because I’m still stuck in the middle of it myself!) is to be kind to yourself. You don’t have to make a decision today. Breathe, relax, be kind to yourself, and don’t make any decisions today.
I’m so sad for you about your parents. This must be immeasurably hard to go through without their support. xx
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My husband said to me yesterday “I am going to be nice to you so I can save our marriage”. And you do start to think well, he is trying, or he really loves me. But is that all there is to it? If he can ‘be nice’ then it implies he knows he is not very nice at other times. It also suggests he knows how to control himself. As IWMB said in a PM, the audacity to think that because he is nice he is entitled to my everlasting gratitude and love. Why isn’t he nice all the time and naturally kind and loving – why does he have to work at it? He has been out all day today and it’s been WONDERFUL and peaceful. It makes me realise that this is what life should always be like and it only happens when I am away from him. So what does that tell me? X*X to all you brave ladies.
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