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I have been apart from my abuser for about (detail removed by Moderator) months.
(detail removed by Moderator) ago I met up with him. He ended up attacking me for the first and last time. He strangled me. Beat me up. Threw me to the floor. (detail removed by Moderator). I know how wrong and terrible this is, he has since been arrested and charged. (detail removed by Moderator). It’s been a terrible time.
I keep having these thoughts of ‘missing him’. I wonder where he is. I wonder what he’s doing. I want to know why I have these thoughts about someone who went to an extreme effort to kill me. Does he think about me and what he’s done? Will I ever be free? Why on earth do I think about him? I feel disgusted by him and what he did – but sometimes my brain remembers what it was like to love him and I just crumble. I don’t understand it. I’d never ever meet up with him, I’d never talk to him. It just isn’t safe. But I want to be free of these feelings and just feel hate. When will that come? I feel deep shame that I even think about the times when he was good to me.
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Your not alone, it took a surprising amount of time for me to stop missing my ex abuser..
what helped me was trauma therapy(i had ptsd) also just standard talking therapy, freedom program, just time for your head to get around everything, now tour safe your brain will start processing things, but it really does take time. My job helped me by giving me meaning, I pursued new hobbies which are now my life and my source of true happiness. I also have managed to do things i never could whilst back there with him. Achieving goals that he prevented me from achieving. Nourishing my relationships with family and friends. Looking after me and caring for me and only me. Not worrying about anyone else’s business. The time is now for self care
(Also ofcourse this forum was a source of huge support)
X*x
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