I feel so guilty

[Pennypop]

First of all thank you for reading. I was seeing a guy for (time frame removed by moderator), we didn’t live together. I ended the relationship because he was so demanding, needed to call me on my way to work, on my way home from work, on my days off constantly messaging and wanted me to go to him neglecting my own home, family and friends. He made snide comments if I didn’t answer his messages like I suppose you are busy having sex with someone else. and I burnt out and ended it. He then constantly messaged me, left gifts outside my door and I have started seeing him again because I felt guilty. His behaviour has not changed. He sulks if I don’t phone him, makes me feel guilty sending messages he isn’t well, and I suppose that’s the only message I will get today. He is jealous of my daughters boyfriend because I gave him a lift to work. I have withdrew now and avoid him but I just don’t have he courage to end it

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Those of us who have spent a long time in one of these relationships probably have alarm bells screaming in our ears when we read your post.
Some things are just not normal. Being jealous of your daughter’s boyfriend because you gave him a lift to work is the big one that jumps out at me.
That he thinks that you would have a sexual relationship with your daughters’s boyfriend shows some very very worrying underlying thinking.
Not least that other people don’t have an existence or a mind or don’t have something to say about this,  ie your daughter’s boyfriend himself, or that you would even consider doing something like that to your own daughter.
I’m sorry, but this way madness lies.

Even entering into this discussion with him is taking you into a place you don’t deserve to go.

I don’t know what to say to you, except, I’ve been there, and it may well really demean you if you let someone drag you into this.

[Pennypop]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Even if I have work men in he house he will make comments insinuating I want sex with them. I am lucky I don’t live with him. You have given me some strength today. Thank you

[Pennypop]

I forgot to add on my post, he says things like I can-see you on your ring doorbell. I know where you are I have put a tracker on your phone. That has made me paranoid that maybe he has put a device in my home.

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Ps. He will play the victim role to make you feel like you are the strong one in the relationship and that ‘you can handle it’. You can help him,etc.

You probably are the strong one in the relationship but that won’t stop him trying to destroy you.

 

[EvenSerpentsShine]

It’s quite possible that he has put a tracker on your phone or something similar. There is a page on this site that can help you with that. The moderator will probably link you to it.
It’s so good that you don’t live with him! You stand a chance of getting away.

Dont be lulled into a false sense of security though. These relationships devastate people. Good, strong, clever, kind, popular people.

[Pennypop]

Thank you. I only joined today and already feel stronger and ready to face the end of this relationship. He is good with tech and sometimes I find myself checking areas I think he may have placed something.

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Yes, making sure your house and devices are free from trackers or cameras is a really wise place to start, as well as checking any other vulnerabilities. Does he have keys for your property or vehicles?, or passwords for anything?. ( Changing your passwords on your phone is a good place to start.)

Think about any shared loans etc or other shared property you may have and prepare to sort it out if you can.

Friends or family may be targeted with calls or even a smear campaign and even though there’s not much you can do about that, being prepared for it can help a bit.
there is some good literature out there, and even YouTube videos which talk about some of these things. A popular book on this forum is Lundy Bancroft ‘Why does he do that’. I’ve read it and it’s really good.

 

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