i feel ugly and like its all my fault i got beaten up

[brokenheartedgirl1234]

hey guys,

i often ask people why did my ex call me ugly and complain about my appearance. i was talking to my friend and saying how i think my ex was gay because he (detail removed by moderator) and she said (detail removed by moderator) i felt upset by this question does this mean she thinks im not pretty and that he just found me plain ugly.
she said (detail removed by moderator) like he genuinely thinks that about me.
so she basically thinks im hideous right?
i know it sounds dumb but i just felt so down after talking to her she said (detail removed by moderator).
i feel like if i was prettier maybe my husband wouldnt have hit me but then i just think he cant have found me unbearable to look at because he chose me to marry.

i felt like my friend was trying to say my husband wasnt attracted to me and this makes me extremely upset it makes me think if i was prettier he wouldnt have done this to me.
like no abused woman wants to be told (detail removed by moderator).

he cussed my appearance and he always tried to change me so was the harsh reality he didnt find me attractive im just desperate for his approval even to this day.

but in the begining he used to say im so beautiful (detail removed by moderator).
so i want to know why did he find me ugly after marrying me.. its all my fault i should have made myself look good all the time.

i have severe confidence issues now.
after what my friend said i dont think she meant anything bad but its sad hearing that she thinks my own husband wasnt attracted to me

[Feelinglikeafool]

Hi,

No, no no.I’m so sad to see you feeling like this and let me make it very clear to you, there’s nothing wrong with you. These people pray on our insecurities and make us feel like dirt to make themselves feel better about their own inadequacies.

I used to (detail removed by moderator) and I know I look alright, but my ex called me ugly every single day (detail removed by moderator), so now when i look in the mirror or at photos I see a distorted version of myself. It’s what they do, because they feel so wretched about themselves that they have to keep us down, so we don’t leave them.

Not sure what context your friend meant that in; she may have simply meant that you look feminine, and therefore the opposite of what a gay man *might* find attractive. It may have been a back handed compliment, but a very tactless one! Or, there’s the possibility that a n********t herself and also trying to keep you down. If I were you I’d ask what she meant and tell her how it made you feel.

Please don’t let him (or anyone) make you doubt yourself or feel anything other than beautiful you.

Sending love and healing vibes x

[Feelinglikeafool]

Also,(I’m rubbish at text and can’t see how to edit my comment haha) you are absolutely not to blame for his behaviour. There’s never any excuse or reason for domestic abuse and you did nothing to deserve what happened to you.

[brokenheartedgirl1234]

hi feelinglikeafool thank you so so much for your reply! i feel like you clarifying everything makes me feel millions better. after you left your partner how long did it take to rebuild your confidence?
what my husband did was he asked me what all my insecurities are and pretended to accept me. ive always been insecure because my bra size because im (detail removed by moderator) but unfortunately my boobs are still small.
family memebrs say they cant see my (detail removed by moderator) and i felt like i couldnt see it but after his comments i completly cant stand my face or body.

after telling him about my (detail removed by moderator) he said he could see it and how im so flat chested.. but before he used to say (detail removed by moderator) and he adores my body as im quite curvy in terms of hips. i felt his taunts towards me was worse than him hitting me.

omg you (detail removed by moderator)! im sure you are stunning he is a loser and was probably insecure because your amazing <3

im not going to lie i feel like speaking to women on this forum helps me way more than my own friends and family because they just say weird things sometimes, ive had even close ones blame me and have that sort of ‘i told you so’ attitude. so sometimes i just feel like its not worth speaking to anyone about this.

thankyou again so much for your response <3

[brokenheartedgirl1234]

my husband said i couldnt do anything right and in our last convo he said (detail removed by moderator). i find that so heartbreaking.. i listened to everything he wanted and he was so ungreatful. these men are so heartless.

he said women shouldnt ever talk back to their husbands so i always thought its because i didnt look pretty or i didnt cook enough i didnt clean the house properly. when i even did those things he would then complain about me not having a job (i lost it (detail removed by moderator).
i felt like he had such unreachable standards and i completely hate how i long for his approaval despite that we arent together anymore

[Feelinglikeafool]

Morning! Hope you’re feeling a bit brighter today.

I agree with you, it’s only through reading about other women’s experience and getting support on here and a couple of other sites that I’ve managed to stay vaguely sane.

To be honest I still haven’t rebuilt myself properly quite yet. I got into another relationship almost (detail removed by moderator) and that’s just ended, partly because of my issues with my ex but mostly because the new guy shows some fairly major signs of being a n********t too. So I really need to work on my self esteem and be on my own for a little while.

I had my first counselling session yesterday and it was painful to relive it all, but I can tell it’s going to really help. It reminded me of so much stuff he used to do and say. It got so bad I lived in fear and honestly thought I had gone insane. He told me every day I was fat, useless, ugly, stupid, annoying, unlovable. I lost my job because I had a breakdown. That’s just the tip of the iceberg but I think the emotional torture was worse than the physical. The worst bit was how it affected my daughter, which I’ll never forgive myself for.

So it’s a long process but I’m getting there. And I (and I’m sure lots of other wonderful women on here) will be happy to do help you get through your battle.
We’re braver than we think! X

[KIP.]

I’d recommend the Freedom Programme and reading Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Knowledge Is Power KIP x

[Author]

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