7th November 2023 at 10:01 am #162972Kiwi2023Participant
I met my (now ex) only (detail removed by moderator) relationship filled with emotional abuse, gaslighting, financial abuse & suffering heartache from multiple affairs.
(detail removed by moderator) I just thought it was a happy coincidence that this amazing man came into my life amidst the ashes of the dumpster fire ending of my previous relationship.
He said all the right things, was a father, I already had kids too, I seen the love he had for his own children as beautiful and sweet…again the red flag of his badmouthing their mother totally failed to trigger my sense of better judgement. I realise now that I was still in a really vulnerable place emotionally, my ex (detail removed by moderator) were still trying to abuse me financially and emotionally with false reports to social services & the dwp. I felt like this new man was my knight in shining armour, I felt like he was protecting me. And at the beginning it was amazing, we had so much fun together, my kids thought he was amazing, then (detail removed by moderator) the first covid lock down hit, and I was forced into a decision that in hindsight I wasn’t ready for, but in that moment I felt like I couldn’t spend any time away from this man, so I let him move in. He proposed very quickly, which I was thrilled about. I was head over heels. We lived in that house for only a few months, we all got on amazingly, I felt like finally I found my person.
(detail removed by moderator) I fell pregnant. We were thrilled, my pregnancy was easy given my age & the number of pregnancies I’d had before, but he waited on me hand & foot. We had the odd wee bicker and argument, but nothing major, but I was beginning to notice my kids weren’t as happy. I put it down to the move, until I realised he was being so strict with them. More and more rules were creeping in, and before I knew it, he had alienated me from friends & family. He was beginning to bad mouth the people I loved and trusted in my life, dripping little ‘facts’ to me about how they don’t really care for me or my kids, how they only contact me when they need something from me. Being pregnant & exhausted put me in such a vulnerable state, he played on the fact that I have memory problems from the previous abuse I suffered from my ex. He used that to his advantage in order to gaslight me.
After our baby was born there was a happy, calm period. I excused a lot of the problems I’d noticed before as just stress, him having to work and take care of most of the house and me. But I was wrong…
It didn’t take long for the mental, emotional and verbal abuse to escalate. Unfortunately my children were also victim to a lot of this. We all walked on eggshells (detail removed by moderator) we would all be a ball of anxiety when he was due home from work, because we weren’t sure which version of him we were going to get that day.
The end came (detail removed by moderator) he got really drunk, couldn’t stand up straight, kept falling around all over the house, when I asked him to calm down as I had children around witnessing all this he called me some really nasty, degrading names. He tried to drink some more alcohol, and when I tried to take it off him, he threw the alcohol over me. He would not listen to reason, would not go to bed so we could talk the next day, he just kept getting in my face and being really nasty with his words, so I phoned the police.
He was arrested that night. He was released on police bail the next day, with bail conditions. He isn’t allowed to contact me other than for contact with our child(social services are now involved & he is to have supervised contact only) and he is not allowed at my address.
(detail removed by moderator)
The manipulation continues however. When he was released he was bailed to his (detail removed by moderator)
Instead he decided to sleep in his car (detail removed by moderator) Thankfully I couldn’t see the car from my house, there is a wee row of bungalows blocking where its parked, but I needed to leave his stuff I packed up in the garage for him to collect. The fear of running into him was crippling. I felt so guilty and sad for him that he was sleeping in the cold car, but I suppose that’s the effect he was going for. This went on for a few days, he doesn’t work weekends so really should have been back at his (detail removed by moderator). (detail removed by moderator) telling me to report his bail breech,but it’s not that easy. I don’t want him to get into more trouble. I suppose I’m still trauma bonded. So I messaged him and told him to leave and go to his (detail removed by moderator), or I would call the police. He asked me not to, and his (detail removed by moderator) called me. She said he had found a sofa to sleep on, so will no longer be sleeping in the car. So that’s at least a little better.
However, he never fails o surprise me. (detail removed by moderator). I feel like it was done on purposely get a reaction from me.
Well he’s not getting one! He still has things to collect from the garage, I’m leaving the (detail removed by moderator) there, pretend I didn’t see it. I’m not giving him the satisfaction or a reaction from me any longer.
Sorry this is so long! This is the short version believe it or not!
Big hugs to you all, you are all worth so much more than the treatment you have received or are still receiving from an abusive partner/ex. Believe in yourself, you can get away from it, and you can live your best life xx
7th November 2023 at 11:17 pm #162997LostnaloneParticipant
Kiwi perfectly wrote my luv
8th November 2023 at 9:33 am #163007BuildmeupbuttercupParticipant
Dear Kiwi 2023,
Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing that post. Congratulations on getting out of that relationship, I hope that you and your children are able to enjoy having more peace in your lives.
It sounds like he was sleeping outside your house? Even if he had to sleep in his car, there’s no reason to park it so close to you.
Best wishes xx
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