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Look at me posting in the positive section.
This may be a long one i have so much i wanna tell you all.
(detail removed by moderator) i have been given an amazing opportunity at work to better myself learn new skills and its going to be hard Ive never done this before and I am scared. I spoke to him and yep he said no i wasnt allowed to do this, I dug in deep told him I wasnt asking that I was telling him and that I was doing it and ive already signed up and start (detail removed by moderator).
I then told my boss that as much as i want to do this i dont have much support at home she was amazjng and said she would help me as much as she could. I cant actually believe I did that.
(detail removed by moderator) he was bad really bad he had been drinking and was nasty really nasty and i was very scared and he actually said (detail removed by moderator) anyway now ihe was joking i dont think he would but he made me feel so scared so rubbish that I had sex this morning he is all happy ish again. I know i shouldnt have but i need to take one fight at a time right now.
I need to use my fight to now try and stop the self harm I need to start eating and looking after myself I need all my fight to do that as well as try and fight him.
Now the last few weeks i have doubted myself regarding his behaviour last night i knew i saw him for what he really is. I know its going to get worse again I know that trying to do this new course whilst working whilst running a business having a house kids all is going to be hard he wont at all make it easy in fact he will make kt harder but in time i also know this may be the making of me it may just give me the boost I need.Someone believes in me my gosh thats huge ive never had that today i feel stronger than I ever have I know most likely in a weeks time i will be back to my usual negative Nora self it will get bad it will get really bad I know it will but today i wanna enjoy this happiness this strength and positivity for the first time in a very long time I can see I can really see.
Thank you so much you have held me up kept me going and i have no doubt will keep on doing so in the days to come. Thank you xx -
We are everything without them, they are nothing without us. They stunt our growth and destroy our self esteem. Go out there are make a good life for yourself. You owe him nothing. Coercing you into sex for fear of consequences is rape. It’s wonderful to see just how far you’ve come. Knowledge Is Power. KIP x
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Thanks KIP I understand what you are saying but although i feel stronger i still cant quite get to the abuse bit i still cant believe or accept its abuse that word I just cant believe it. He is nasty yes he is a bully even but abusive and rape gosh thats such a strong word and i just cant see it. Thank you though for all your support I really do feel stronger all of a sudden and im really hanging on to that your words as always really do mean the world to me xx
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Well said KIP you always get it spot on. Congratulations @nbumblebee on your achievement at work. I have been really down the last 48hrs but reading your post and KIP’s strong answer has made me feel better. Its great to hear of others positive moments.
Best wishes to both you ladies you are amazing 👏 ❤
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Thats why i wanted to post i know how much a positive post can help you when you are down ive been there and will no doubt be there again.
This life isnt easy I choose to stay and fight and my goodness its so hard isnt it but we have to dig deep even on bad days and try and pick ourselves up and carry on. I hope you have better stronger days ahead sweetie never ever lose hope there is a light out there shining bright for you, you just have to find it sweetie xxxx
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Amazing, congratulations and well done! You deserve this. It’s so lovely to see the progress you’ve made and strength you’ve found.
Two parts. of your post really stood out, firstly the sex part which Kip addressed but this bit for me ‘I need to use my fight to now try to stop the self harm I need to start eating and looking after myself I need all my fight to do that and fight him’ made me wonder, and I know how easy it is to write this and how incredibly hard it is in reality but if you put all your fight into leaving, I wonder if the other areas might fall into place more easily. I don’t know for sure, but I bet your life is a major factor in why you experience these. Keep going, you’re doing really well x
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Well done! I don’t post a lot but always read and so pleased to see the positivity and progress in terms of standing up for yourself! So glad you have got somebody supportive at work too. I often feel there is no hope but my counsellor says how much progress she sees in the 4 weeks that maybe there is. Your post gives me hope too! Bask in the glory of your achievement. Small steps to others are humongous to us!
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Thank you for all the replies.
I spoke to him about this and asked him why he couldnt support me or be proud i know we shouldnt confront them but id had a glass of wine and was so determined he just simply replied with I just cant, its not fair.
I did feel so sorry for him for a while but then I thought if things were the other way round id support him and id do everything i could to help thats what you do when you are married right?
He then went back to accusing me of having affairs and not loving him cause i refused sex which he wanted again because it was mothers day.
Im hanging on to my positive mood by a thread but im hanging on. Have sent the email to confirm im in at work and now theres no going back.
He will get worse wont he it will get bad again ive gotta be ready for a big fight throughout thisboth with him and actually with myself too I am already doubting if I can actually do this!!!
Thank you again for all your support. -
Congratulations, so proud of you. That’s so big for you and delighted you are pushing yourself forward. It will be hard and I’ll hope and pray that you keep finding the fight to keep going forward, and I know that you will.
Keep looking at these posts when the doubt creeps in. Don’t let him defeat you. You deserve so much more.Sending you love and strength for all the challenges to come but also for the achievements that you are going to reach,
You can do it x*x
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