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    • #131063
      Beaches
      Participant

      Hi, I joined a couple of months ago but I haven’t had the courage to post because in the back of my mind I have this fear he will somehow know and use it to manipulate me or use it against me. I was with him for a few years and we had a child together aswell as bo5h having children from previous relationships. I believed he loved me more than anyone in this world ever has ( I still believe that even though everyone tells me he couldnt possibly have loved me otherwise he would have treated me better). I keep thinking is it me that is wrong have I taken this a step too far by involving police and other support services, because there were a lot of good things he did for me things I had never experienced before I felt that I could depend on him for anything and that he was my biggest protector the problem was who would protect me from him? I was always i dependant and outgoing and in thos past few years that side of me is completely gone, I feel isolated from everone, I feel like I have no self worth and that my only reason for living are my children. I know that I have been so emotionally damaged and that it was seriously impacting on my mental health t the point I felt insane. During our relationship I endured controlling behaviour, serious mind games, and on a hanful of occassions physical abuse which I minimise in my mind because I believed that he still truelly loved me and I held on to anytimes that were good. I somehow found the strength to get out because I genuinely believe if I didn’t one way or another I would have ended dead. I have reflected on a lot this past few months and I realise the seriousness of the situation I was in so why am I sitting here right now feeling lonely and feelings these over powering feeling of love and missing the person who has reduced me to this mess, I feel like maybe he was right that I’m not right in the head, I just can’t imagine ever being able to recover from this, everyone has been telling me how brave I am but I dont feel brave I just feel broken and I feel guilty and feel like I am the one who is a horrible person.

    • #131087
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Gosh your words almost mirror my experience word for word, but honey you’ve escaped. Be proud. What you are describing sounds very much like trauma bonding. It’s perfectly natural to miss the good times, the what ifs and what could’ve been, but if you have a journal or anything that can remind you of the bad times, then I’d suggest reading it when you’re feeling like this. The good times were the fake times. Remember the anxiety yo felt, the eggshells you walked on, the broken promises and excuses, the hurt. If you haven’t already then I’d recommend reading Lundy Bancroft’s book or watching Dr Ramani on YouTube, both are helping me to clear the mist in my eyes and see the truth. Please don’t cave and go back, speaking as someone who has made that mistake, it doesn’t get better, the niceness is fake and will fade very quickly. Also consider counselling, it helps to talk x

    • #131089
      Eyesopening
      Participant

      I need help

      Hi Beaches, I understand, I think I was/am (it comes and goes) in the same situation.
      I wrote a similar post but I separated the pros & cons of my ex relationship.
      Reading your post, I feel like it’s kind of similar, you mention all the pros, then mention the cons. They contradict each other. Read the replies on my post as they really helped me.

      Hope you feel better, keep reminding yourself of the cons on that list. The pros were not real or they were clouded with the cons. Our minds only remember the good times. The truama bond means we cannot trust our emotions at this stage. We need to follow our logical part of our brains.
      x*x

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