I have done it

[Alicenotichains]

I have done it. I have had enough and ended the relationship with abuser 2. since he has come out of prison I have felt so ill and stressed. His phone is always off unless he wants to speak to me and my gut instinct was that he was cheating on me again.
My children made such a fuss of me today and it gave me a real sense of perspective. I am not waiting to be told by social services that I need to end it- I decided that I needed to be proactive and stand up for myself and do it because I have had enough of waking on egg shells, being spoken to like dirt, being manipulated, charmed, guilted, exploited, lied to, physically and emotionally attacked, verbally assaulted…..Enough.
Last time I tried to end things after he attacked me I cried a lot and went back to him.
This time there has been no attack, no drama – I just feel that before he runs off with another woman, or before I am told by social services to end things I need to stand up for myself and my kids and say no to abuse. I hope that this will give me confidence for policing my own boundaries in the future. I have realised that his hard life and his mental health issues are not an excuse for abuse. It was his choice to treat me like he did. He has a history of domestic violence and he was not taking any responsibility and was projecting his anger and blaming everyone for everything. His whole life is someone else’s fault. I can’t have my energy sapped from me anymore.
I have only had one session with the DV counsellor and it has made so many things clearer- I am in shock. I thought that I would never be able to speak to him like that- the truth just came rushing out of my mouth.
I told him over the phone that I didn’t trust him, that he was abusive and that I no longer felt that it was the right situation for me and my kids.
We don’t live together and if he stalks again me I shall just phone the police.
Thank you for inspiring me to break the cycle of abuse – Happy Mother’s Day
Xxxxx

Xx

[KIP.]

Hey, just wanted to say well done. Womens aid opened my eyes to his abuse. Its frightening how brainwashed we became. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Stay alert and ring the police right away if he turns up. These abusers do not like to lose control x

[Alicenotichains]

Thank you KIP. Your posts have always inspired me. I am waiting to have a flood of regret and longing and when/if it comes I am going to try and be logical. I can’t think of one good reason why I would stay In this relationship but I could give you a list as long as my arm of reasons why I should leave.

I am going to try and be kind to myself and if I get very emotional to try and ride it out. Just now I feel absolutely fine. I am not fretting about if he is with another woman which feels like freedom- I have just let it go. X

[Confused123]

HeY huN

Welldone for making that move, just block him now so he cnat make contact with u , and continuging reaCHING OUT FOR SUPPORT ON HERE WHENEVER U NEED IT. YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE SO PROUD OF U TOO N*D U SHOUDL BE PROUD OF YOURSELF TO FOR STANDING UP TO THE ABUSER AND SAYING THE TRUTH HOW IT IS,SENDING U HUGS

[Serenity]

Wow, Alice, what strength you have to end it before it deteriorates further.

There’s happiness waiting for you in your new abuse-free life! x

[lover of no contact]

Well done Alice. You did a very brave thing for you and your children. Keep posting here for support if he continues to harass him. Give him no contact, block any avenues where he may try to make contact with you. He may persist, but eventually he will give up and focus on his new victim and you will be free of him.

[lover of no contact]

typo-if he continues to harass you.

[Alicenotichains]

Oh thank you so much ladies. I have read your posts for many months and you have given me the strength. I have not heard from my now ex since our break up chat. I was very direct with him, I told him that I didn’t trust him and that he had abused me and that I could no longer be in the situation. He shouted and then hung up. I have not heard from him since. I think because I was so honest- it just gushed from me. I have the DV counsellor again this week. One of my children wrote a poem saying that she felt her soul was free.
The chest and stomach pains of anxiety have stopped and last night I had a full night sleep- first time in ages.
Last time I ended it I got to about 3 days and then I had a weird melt down but I Feel stronger this time.
I will keep posting- all quiet here for now!
Thank you again- you have helped to save my life X

[Author]

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