- This topic has 12 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 3 months ago by
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Following another tirade of name calling and nastiness I know that it is totally the right thing to do. To leave.
I told him it was over.
I told him to grow up. His reaction of venom was not unexpected. As our children are away o have been able to stay with a relative all day. However, I have to go back home
Tomorrow to talk about it which I am nervous about. I feel so relieved but I know from reading other accounts that it is likely to get worse before it gets better. -
Dear Tuppance, if he is abusive it is best that you prepare yourself properly for the onslaught. You might want to read some of the HG Tudor books a lot of which give details about the Grand Hoover which is their initial awful reaction. The books that spring to mind are Fuel & No Contact. Take care. X*X
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Well done Tuppance!
Stay strong, don’t let him beat you down – mentally or physically.
We are all here for you in spirit,
Huge hugs
TTMO X
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Don’t go and talk to him. Why put yourself through it?
Just leave. Distance yourself. Or if you have no choice but to talk, do it in a public place for safety reasons.
Don’t let him try and sweet talk you, use sad eyes, sad voice, tears….to TRICK you back.
See the real person, the nasty behaviour reveals the true person. -
Thankyou ttmo. Jennaflorrie, I do feel I need to talk to establish expectations – is he going to move out, etc,. But you are right – I hadn’t thought to meet in a neutral place where he will have to watch his behaviour. Thankyou for that. I know he will play the victim – after weeks and weeks of agonising and reading different peoples accounts in here I think I am as ready as I can ever be. I know his games now and thankfully he doesn’t get to me like he did before. Xx
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Oh god – I feel so mixed up. He is so sad and has asked if I will let him see the kids. Of course I will! I am not a bad person – then why am I doing this? He does t understand and now we have to tell the children and I know they will blame me and hate me but I cannot carry on like this. I wish I had never put up with him from the outset – (removed by moderator) years of heartache, (removed by moderator) years together and I am in pieces. I need some strength to carry on.
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Hold on to all of the bad times, remember that this isn’t anything to do with anything you have done and that you are leaving because of HIS behaviour. My new motto is to pay attention to deeds and not words. Crying, tears, sad faces etc – promises to change – won’t change what they are like in the depths of their soul! I don’t know what you have been through – but what i am starting to realise about my own case is that the good times and the promises to change and any sadness won’t undo all the name-calling, the making me feel stupid, the hating all of my friends and making me isolate myself, the threats to kidnap me and finally now starting on my daughter! Make your own list – make a list to hold on to to remind you of why you got to this point in the first place. Don’t break free and then be manipulated into going back!
PM me if you need to, I am here for you all the way,
Hugs,
TTMO x*x
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He knows exactly what he is doing. If he thinks he’s getting his own way by turning on the water works, he will carry on using this tactic. Once that stops working he will bring out mr nasty. It’s all mind games and you are being sucked in again. They are Oscar winning performers. I caught my ex smiling after he got his way. He went from depressed and tearful to skipping on air in 10 seconds. And I was left flatlining. Do not fall for it. He is the cause of this situation. Decide what you want. Write down what you want. Go to a solicitor and if she says your entitled to this. Do not deviate from it. It’s not going to be easy but you can make it less difficult.
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Thankyou ladies. He has gone away with the kids for a few days ) I refused to go and we said I was having an operation ). It has been hard without them. I know he thinks everything will be ok when he gets back. He doesn’t understand, as hard as I have tried to explain, what this depression – brought about by his actions. Has and continues to do to me. I have support now but I don’t like to burden people. People must think I am such a sad case. I just want to disappear from everyone and start over. I feel sorry for my babies though. Xxxz
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