25th April 2020 at 10:46 pm #101780ConfusedandHurtParticipant
I had to move out of my home (detail removed by moderator) as my boyfriend was verbally abusing me and at times he hit me. Now I’m not gonna be the girl who sits and acts like an angel, as I have at times not been the best version of myself. However (detail removed by moderator) it got so bad even his friend told me to leave for my own safety. He degraded me and made me feel worthless, he spat on me, he rubbed food into my hair and he made me lie on the floor while he put his foot onto me. Even (detail removed by moderator) he pushed me into my car. He calls me names and ridicules me. This has all occured when he is intoxicated. Nothing ever happens when he is sober.
A lot of his anger issues stem from alcohol, he has even said himself he is an alcoholic, and he also uses other things like steroids for gym work and recreational drugs as well.
We have had our ups and downs but this has by far been the worst.
I am currently living at my parents house and have been since leaving (detail removed by moderator), but he had moved out of the house and went to his grandparents to stay to try and detox and if that fails he has said he will go to rehab for his issues.
I believe he loves me and I want to go home to our home and be there for him. At the start I was scared to go home but I’m not now. However everyone is telling me that im a fool to go back and that as he has done it once he will do it again. Am I being stupid for wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt to at least try and get sober and to show me how much our relationship means to him.
I want to go home but having everyone tell me that I should stay away is just confusing me and ultimately hurting me more as they cannot see the person that I know is there.
Any suggestions or advice is welcome xx
26th April 2020 at 12:05 am #101792queenmaeveParticipant
He will never change, stay at your parents where you are really loved.
26th April 2020 at 12:31 am #101796IwantmebackParticipant
Is it your home and he moved in, is everything in your name. If you go back, get the locks changed, go no contact as this man will not change. He uses alcohol as an excuse to abuse you, you were not the best version of yourself probably due to reacting to how he was treating you. Perfectly normal reactions,noone likes to be bullied or made to feel like nothing. He doesn’t love you, but loves the fear and power he exerts over you, it is like a drug to these men as much as they are like a drug to us.
Normal couples have ups and downs, what you are going through is not normal. It’s abuse pure and simple. You’re no longer scared to go home because you’ve had time away from him, your brain has minimised the abuse. Look up the cycle of abuse, and trauma bonding. Remember the Jekyll and Hyde story. DR jekyll is only around to lull you into a false sense of security, only seen occasionally as the abuse intensifies. Mr Hyde is the real him, the more you let that behaviour continue with no serious consequences, the stronger he’ll become in his belief that you’ll forgive him anything even being hit. Bruises,broken bones and black eyes heal, words cut deep into our psyche, stripping our self esteem,our knowing of what’s right and wrong. Look up gaslighting,coercive control. There’s many different types of abuse, it’s not all physical.
Keep posting and reading others posts, knowledge is power. The love of a good woman is not enough for these men, they have to want to change, not just tell you they have or are going to. You only get one life, live it, don’t just survive it.
27th April 2020 at 8:58 pm #101926TheydeservethebestParticipant
IWMB said it so well.
I hope you let yourself move on so you can live the life you deserve to have. Your family would be hurt to see you go back and get the same treatment.
You deserve better
You deserve to feel loved, secure and safe. Always
27th April 2020 at 9:15 pm #101932ConfusedandHurtParticipant
So, after a weekend of not knowing what to do and being very indecisive, I found out (detail removed by moderator) that he has been lying to me all weekend and that he has now been severely abusive towards other people in the family. I spoke to my own family and have listened to their concerns and have managed to get most of belongings from the flat. The flat was a shared in both our name, but I have just left as it is now too much strain emotionally.
I am devastated but my family are here for me.
29th April 2020 at 6:09 pm #102093IwantmebackParticipant
Hi there, that’s great to read. Get your name removed from rental agreement, if he doesn’t pay you’ll be liable,
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