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    • #89725
      colouringinfairy
      Participant

      Life is just getting so hard. I feel so dead most of the time until I feel overwhelmed with sadness, sorrow and hopelessness. I feel like I am falling apart and unraveling. My best friend (who I live with) and I have just had another massive row. All she does is accuse me of being miserable and aggressive all the time. Constantly throwing in my face “what the hell is wrong with you?!”. What ISN’T wrong with me? I’ve been emotionally and mentally abused by someone I was deeply in love with for over (detail removed by moderator) years. I was assaulted by him less than a year ago. The CPS mishandled my case and now he will never be prosecuted. On the same note I love him and miss him so intensely some times I don’t know what to do with myself. I cannot form meaningful connections with anyone else. I don’t care about anything or anyone, or even myself. I feel empty and dead all day every day and I am unsure what my purpose is in life. I have no idea what I want. I am terrified because I so often feel it would be better for everyone if I just wasn’t here anymore. It’s getting too hard – and amongst it all I just want him to hold me and tell me it will all be okay. I will never have that. I don’t even feel I will ever love again. I feel so lost. What is the point in life, it hardly seems worth it anymore.

    • #89726
      KIP.
      Participant

      That’s exactly how I used to feel. You need to get a support network around you to build you back up. Good counselling, womens aid. Victim support. Local support groups. Surround yourself with people who understand abuse and recovery. It can all feel overwhelming so break it down into little bites. One problem at a time x

    • #89730
      Yellowflower
      Participant

      Colouringfairy kip is right a good support network is vital. I’m afraid to say your friend doesn’t understand it and that’s not her fault but I think you need to surround yourself with people who do get it. Have you thought about doing the freedom programme. It’s honestly been a huge life line for me. Educating myself and openly talking about it with other ladies who have been through what we have. They will be the ladies who just get it. You are not alone I promise you and you can do this. It’s one step at a time there are people who will understand. X

    • #89745
      Escapee
      Participant

      Hi Sweetie,

      The ladies are right. It’s all about who you surround yourself with.
      You also have us who totally understand every emotion you’re experiencing.
      It’s a crazy making game that you have to grab by the tail and hold on for dear life.

      You will win because you have to……we do too. We cannot let them win. Together we are strength.

      I’ve just posted my Bad Day anthem – Dog Days by Florence and the Machines……what’s yours?? Put on your headphones, have it up really loud and dance like a crazy person; sing loud!!

      Sending you much love and strength xxxx

    • #89759
      Daisy
      Participant

      Colouring fairy,
      Reading your post and how you feel right now, takes me back and I’m so sorry how many of us have to go through this.
      Hang on in there tight, you won’t always feel so distraught. It does pass , with time, but most of all with gentle care of yourself whilst you process the abuse you have suffered and whilst you heal.
      X x x

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