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    • #168222
      Unsure and confused
      Participant

      Hi everyone, I am very confused and really at a bit of a breaking point of what to do. I have been to therapy to help myself deal with my partners outbursts as I have been very confused as to Whether I was doing something to cause his very nasty behaviour. After going through therapy I was made to realise that it was not myself and that actually he needed to seek out help. I tried to get him to do this but he is very difficult and instead he tried some online resources to help. Things seemed to be much better and the last year has been good however, recently he suffered the loss of his only remaining parent. The loss was very sudden and unexpected and we have all been grieving. He started acting very irrational saying we have to sell everything and leave the country that there’s nothing left for him here and that he won’t work again. I was very patient and I understand he may have been just saying impulsive things but when he kept repeating it I said ok, but remember I do also have things here it’s not that easy to just pack up and leave we would need to have a plan. He did not like that I didn’t just agree with him. He says I should say yes to everything he says. His Dad has just died I should do everything he says. Then he started saying that it’s my fault his Dad died alone, my family didn’t spend enough time with his Dad and that he hates them and that he never wants to see them. That I am brain dead, an idiot and that I need to spend less time with my family as they don’t do anything for us and make me d***y. Says my Mum just sits on her fat arse, what does she do. Then he says I only want to see them when they are dead. The day you tell me they have died I will be happy. This was so shocking and hurtful to me. My family have always been kind to him and his family but he is saying all these hurtful things and more. This went on for two days and I am emotionally exhausted. I dread being at home now for what he will say next. Is this normal for someone who is grieving?

    • #168223
      Sogo1234
      Participant

      I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds similar to my situation. My ex boyfriend lost a parent while we were together and he used that as an attack against me too saying I never did enough to help support him, I have been selfish and I was apparently making everything about me among other things.

      I really feel for you as I know how hurtful it is to have someone you love weaponize something like that when you do care and are trying to help and be empathetic.

      You’ve not done anything wrong. I don’t know a lot about the grieving process but I do believe that it is no excuse to speak to you and attack you like that. You do not deserve to be treated like that. It sounds like the abuse was happening before too and this has just triggered it to come back?

      Stay strong and keep posting x

    • #168233
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Unsure and confused,

      Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us. Your partner’s behaviour sounds difficult and exhausting for you to deal with. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.

      If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here.

      Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa
      Forum Moderator

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