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My partner (I use the word partner in the loosest sense of the word now) is a manipulative, controlling, n********t but I am scared to definitively end it because he is very clever and has already said he will destroy me and bring me down in some way. He works in the same industry as me and I have a very good job that I have worked hard at to get where I am. Everyone thinks he is this wonderful charismatic man and it would be his word against mine whatever he should say. I have spoken to the police about him and women’s aid and I think he is seriously unhinged. I am not saying he would do anything drastic to me if I finally ended it but I think he is capable of doing a lot of damage. Me not being on his arm affects his reputation and the persona he likes to portray. For months now I have supported him as he is a recovering alcoholic and only went through detox after he met me and he really wanted to change his life. He was drinking for years and he is now a number of months sober with my help and support. I have since read that you shouldn’t call a n********t out on who he or she really is and I did that when he did something terrible to me earlier this year. Big mistake on my part and he has completely changed from the beautiful person he was to me to being this horrible monster treating me like c..p on his shoes. I used to see him all the time but we haven’t been together for (detail removed by Moderator) weeks now and that’s because of how horrible he has been to me when I have seen him. I wasn’t eating or sleeping properly and he was destroying me as he said he would. (detail removed by Moderator) he was going to counselling and he said he needed to talk to me before he went in so I told him he could call me when I was (detail removed by Moderator) and he just turned things around on me saying sadly I had caused his extreme reaction that day. He did acknowledge that what he had done was really bad but then he had to also bring me into it as in I was at fault too. I started talking over him in a calm manner and he was screaming at me down the phone (I wish I had recorded it) and telling me he was going to do something terrible etc etc but then he is so clever as his texts are completely different and show another side to him with kind words and kisses. I really worry about what he will do to my reputation when I end it and I know I need to end it. It will be his word against mine. I found our through Claire’s Law recently that he has had a previous conviction of domestic abuse and then he broke bail to go back to the same house. The police have said to me however that if I want to take what he has done further that his previous conviction won’t be taken into consideration as he has done the time so to speak and because everything that he has done to me has been in private it will be difficult to prove.
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It took me a very long time to go down the no contact road, when I did, I was petrified, I was so used to the ‘you just wait’ txt’s, and You’ve brought this on your’ then I tea, nothing he did was worse than the life I was living. He made accusations to my workplace, but without me realising they knew how controlling he was and ignored it. Don’t be scared by what he says, its all part of the mind games x*x
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I’m currently in no contact after leaving. It’s hard but it really is the only way to free yourself. They know what buttons to press to get you to that submissive point. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t missing him. Why? I really don’t know. Why miss the abuse? I certainly wasn’t happy but now I’m seeing glimpses of the person I was and could be again.
As scary as no contact is, it’s a lot better than having contact with someone who causes you distress.
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