I know this question is stupid

[iamme]

When can I call the police? I feel afraid and frightened most of the time. I don’t like being touched even in a nice way. People have said just call the police and get rid of him. There’s no violence leaving me bruised or injured. It’s just this atmosphere that I can’t make sense of. Monitoring of my calls and conversations. Even when it’s my mum, he’ll want to know what we were talking about. I can’t just say nothing. He’ll want to know. I feel violated most of the time but is that enough to call the police?

I’m afraid tht when the police come they’ll say I’m wasting their time.

[KIP.]

Ring the police and ask to speak to a domestic abuse officer. What he is doing is illegal. It’s coercive control. Is the house in your name. Can you get him out that way?

[PizzaCrumbs]

Don’t think that just because there is no violence or bruises that it’s not just as bad, and just as worthy of support.

It’s most definitely not a stupid question at all, I’m sure there are others who are thinking the same thing and haven’t had the courage to ask yet.

Emotional abuse (for me anyway) was worse than any physical. My bruises disappeared, but the scars he has left inside my mind are still there. I agree with KIP, talk to a domestic abuse officer and explain everything to them, what he’s doing isn’t right!

[Dragonfly]

Hi. I think you sound like you have a lot of self doubt and need validation although you know in your heart/head your situation is not ‘normal’. What you’re going through is not petty, just because there’s no bruises doesn’t mean it’s not abuse. I agree with the other comments, give them a call x

[iwillbeok]

Hon, having been in a very long term marriage with an extremely subtly abusive man I can totally understand where you’re coming from. It was only after I reached my crisis/ enough is enough moment and after lots of soul searching did I realise that I’d been in abusive relationship all along. He was such a slow burner, the tension and atmosphere was in effect suffocating.

I was afraid of him. I didn’t realise it at the time; knew I wasn’t happy but could never put my finger on why. I may have appeared to ‘have it all’ but under the surface it was toxic. I felt unheard, unvalued, belittled.

Trust your gut. See how many posts resonate with your situation. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read things and thought “oh! You too? I thought that was just the way he was…”

Phone WA and the police (specifically domestic team). No one deserves to live in fear. You deserve safety and happiness.

Xx

[iamme]

Thank you ladies. I feel much stronger everytime I come online. Most of the time I feel like I’m going crazy. Past couple of days the fear has crept back. Before then I was planning my escape and trying to sort stuff out so it would be easier. Now I’m having doubts about whether I can make it on my own with kids. I also think he’s picking up on behaviour changes aswell. He’s going through things at home pretending to tidy up and declutter. But even this seems to be a form of violation. How does someone doing housework or cleaning feel like they’re violating me?

[KIP.]

Hey there. You’re a victim of abuse. Nothing makes sense when we are stuck in that kind of dysfunction. That’s why Women’s Aid are so good at helping us understand and leave safely. Run the helpline on here or get in touch with your local branch.

[Author]

Posts